When Inclusion Forces People Out of Churches

Summary: In this episode of No Hard Feelings, Jess, Emily, and Kristen take on one of the most timeless questions for Christians navigating doubt and deconstruction: Can you question your beliefs without losing your faith?

Jess shares reflections from making I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye with Joshua Harris and a recent conversation with her boss who's struggling not to "throw the baby out with the bathwater." Emily walks us through James Fowler's Stages of Faith Development and Kohlberg's Moral Development, offering a developmental lens for understanding why deconstruction can actually be a sign of growth rather than loss. Kristen brings warmth and honesty to the emotional fallout of leaving evangelical spaces, exploring how community, inclusion, and re-reading Scripture through a "Jesus lens" can help rebuild faith on new foundations.

Together, the trio asks: What is the "baby" we're trying to keep? Is it Jesus? Love? Mystery? The creeds? And can we learn to hold uncertainty as a form of faith itself?

Timestamps: 00:00 — Intro: What even is the baby and the bathwater? 04:00 — Jess on Joshua Harris, Josephine Butler, and modern deconstruction 13:00 — Emily explains Fowler's Stages of Faith and what they reveal about deconstruction 30:00 — Where we are now: bouncing between Stage 4 and 5 35:00 — Kristen's story of leaving church and finding belonging again 48:00 — So what is the baby? Defining what's worth holding onto 57:00 — Ancient creeds, mystery, and rediscovering Jesus 1:02:00 — Closing reflections: curiosity, courage, and faith that grows up

Links Mentioned:

• I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye documentary

• James Fowler, Stages of Faith (1981) https://www.ngumc.org/files/fileslibrary/james+fowlers+stages+of+faith.pdf

• "Religious Deconstruction: The Process, Themes, and Psychosocial Dynamics…" (academic dissertation) https://www.proquest.com/openview/ba405ff9b1a90e17f43a39de1ddf40b3/1?pq-origsite=gscholar&cbl=18750&diss=y

• Josephine Butler biography (When Courage Calls by Sarah C. Williams)

• Patreon community: patreon.com/wheredowegopod

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