Covenant vs. Contract: Resentment Roots

In this Q&A episode, I'm joined once again by Uncle Joe for a deep, honest conversation around one of the most painful places a man can find himself—feeling unwanted, disconnected, and hopeless in his marriage. We respond to a question from a husband who hasn't felt physical or emotional connection from his wife in over two years, and we unpack what really breaks down in marriages long before intimacy disappears.

This conversation goes far beyond surface-level advice. We talk about why most men were never trained for marriage, how resentment quietly builds, why treating marriage like a contract destroys connection, and how changing your internal narrative can shift everything. We also bring in perspectives from men inside the Dad Edge Alliance to show how humility, coachability, and intentional skill-building can restore trust, safety, and leadership at home. If your marriage feels distant or stuck, this episode offers clarity, hope, and a path forward.

Timeline Summary

[0:00] Welcoming listeners to the third Q&A episode of January 2026

[1:19] Uncle Joe returns and the power of community-driven wisdom

[2:13] Introducing a listener's marriage question about rejection and hopelessness

[2:55] Why only 12% of married couples report feeling deeply connected

[3:33] Asking the most important question: what have you actually learned about marriage?

[4:26] Joe reflects on personal failure, divorce, and hard-earned lessons

[5:14] Why hope exists if attraction once existed

[5:35] How complacency and busyness quietly push marriage to the back burner

[6:02] Marriage compared to learning an instrument—you can't wing it

[7:21] Resentment, skill gaps, and whether marriages can truly be restored

[8:05] Marriage as a covenant, not a contract

[8:55] How destructive inner narratives shape behavior and connection

[9:43] Transactional expectations and why they kill intimacy

[10:41] Why "nice guy" energy erodes respect and attraction

[11:30] Listening to understand instead of listening to defend

[12:12] Mutual submission, humility, and shared leadership in marriage

[13:15] Alliance member insight on asking for feedback from your wife

[14:16] Faith, unity, and intentionally doing life together

[15:49] Receiving feedback without ego or defensiveness

[17:14] Emotional bank accounts and the power of daily deposits

[18:50] Gottman's 5:1 and 10:1 ratios for healthy marriages

[19:40] Giving your wife permission to coach you

[20:45] Why conflict isn't the enemy—avoidance is

[22:00] Reframing the role of a wife as a strengthener, not a subordinate

[23:17] "It's not me vs. you, it's us vs. the problem"

[23:43] Larry shares a personal season of anger and choosing humility

[25:16] How couples can build something better than what they had before

[25:51] Episode wrap-up and where to find resources

Five Key Takeaways

1. Most men were never taught how to lead a marriage, and guessing your way through it creates disconnection.
2. Marriage breaks down through narratives and resentment long before intimacy disappears.
3. Treating marriage like a covenant—not a contract—changes everything.
4. Emotional deposits made consistently rebuild trust and safety over time.
5. When couples unite against the problem instead of each other, restoration becomes possible.

Links & Resources

• Dad Edge Alliance: https://thedadedge.com/alliance
• The Legendary Marriage Book: https://thedadedge.com/legendarybook
• Episode Show Notes & Resources: https://thedadedge.com/1429

Closing Remark

If this episode resonated with where you're at in your marriage, please rate, review, follow, and share the podcast. You don't have to figure this out alone—skill-building, humility, and brotherhood can change the direction of your marriage and your family. From my heart to yours, go out and live legendary.