Are You Thinking About Suicide or the Idea of Suicide?

In the last 15, 20 years. I mean, are you thinking about suicide or the idea of suicide or the possibility? How often? Well, especially when I was on meds, I felt like I was like an autopilot. But these days, I would say that I'm closer than I've ever been. Now you originally looked for a podcast or something in Google almost a year ago, 10 months ago or so. And you reached out to me and then you reached back up to me and we finally are connecting here all these months later. So that makes sense. It sounds like something is going on. Don't worry. I'm just saying, may I ask what's