Masturbation Outside of Marriage Is Always a Selfless Act

Sex in marriage is a selfless act, serve the other person. Masturbation outside of marriage is always a selfish act. A lot of people call masturbation as the sin of onan. I don't think that's what scripture's saying there. And i'm not trying to shame you.  I'm trying to push you to a place where you say, i want to grow through this and i want to get help.