What Do I Do About It?

This is literally you using drugs to say basically cheat your senses into apprehending a truth that your conscious mind is too terrified to reach at and is pulling you towards you being euthanized. That's what I realized like, oh, my fear of dying has always been a death wish. And this is still a death wish because what I'm really afraid of is having to live. Now that used to be having to live with personal discomfort. But now it is because I feel like I've fulfilled much more of my life. Like I have a sense of community and reinforcing acts of love that kind of keep me grounded in a way I had not previously,. Because I couldn't perceive at that