Stephanie Coontz: I'm drawing a thick border between secure and avoidant, but not anxious. But there are some things in avoidant that i definitely identify with. And one obvious potential driver for me would be the early death of a parent. My father, from the time he was pretty young, was not healthy,. He died when i was gosh, the fact that i don't remember exactly how old is heading. Grew ten in nine or ten. So what that left me with was a sense that, well, he was here, now he's gone. On the other hand, one thing i love about life is that free will does exist - at least