"You're exerting effort on another human being to make them love you, right? You presume that you have the control to make some one love you," he says. "What you're terrified of is giving them the capacity to not love you." 'The control isn't actually in your hands, but in your mind,' he adds. "'I'm trying to make a chair' impliesh i'm trying to made a bowl of noodles', or I'm trying toMake a light that turns on.' He continues: 'It's all one sided. Everything about this is one sided.'"