Why integrity apologies feel worse

What do you do when your trust is broken, or when people start questioning your trustworthiness? Chances are, you’re left feeling unsure, even overwhelmed. Most of us don’t really understand how trust works, so trying to fix it can feel impossible.

In this episode, Peter Kim from USC's Marshall School of Business breaks it down for us. Drawing from his book How Trust Works, he shares over twenty years of research on what makes people trustworthy, why trust gets broken, and how relationships can actually be repaired.

Join us for a conversation about the science of trust and discover what it really takes to build, break, and restore the connections that matter most.

Listen and Learn: 

• Why trust is essential for cooperation, even though it makes us vulnerable, and how people who choose to trust ultimately function and flourish better than those who don’t
• How trust is defined as a willingness to be vulnerable in situations involving real risk, and why acting as if you trust someone is not the same as truly trusting them
• How trust violations fall into competence or integrity, and how we weigh positive and negative information differently for each, shaping how we perceive and respond to others’ actions
• The effectiveness of apologies depends on whether a violation is seen as a matter of competence or integrity, and how our motivation to preserve relationships influences the way we interpret and respond to wrongdoing
• Moving beyond black-and-white judgments of right and wrong to explore the gray areas in human behavior and foster a more nuanced understanding and dialogue
• How to begin rebuilding trust by acknowledging the other person’s concerns, assuming shared core values, and creating a safe space for honest, collaborative conversation, even when opinions deeply differ
• Why apologies for integrity violations are so hard to accept, and ways to reframe actions or create narratives that allow people to recognize errors and pursue redemption

Resources: 

• How Trust Works: The Science of How Relationships Are Built, Broken, and Repaired https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9781250838155 
• Peter’s Website: https://peterhkim.com 
• Connect with Peter on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/peterkim/ 
• My Octopus Teacher movie

About Peter Kim 

Peter is a Professor at USC's Marshall School of Business, where he teaches some of the most popular MBA courses around—probably because everyone wants to know why their apologies keep backfiring. His research on trust violation and repair has ten national and international awards, been featured everywhere from the New York Times to NPR, and culminated in his 2023 book How Trust Works: The Science of How Relationships Are Built, Broken, and Repaired, which won the Academy of Management's 'Distinguished Winner' award for making significant contributions to both science and practice.

Related Episodes: 

• Episode 51. The Psychology of Political Division with Debbie and Yael
• Episode 371. Uniting Toward a Better Future with Diana McLain Smith
• Episode 281. Belonging Uncertainty and Bridging Divides with Geoffrey Cohen
• Episode 392. Outraged with Kurt Gray

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