13min chapter

Bad Friends cover image

Life Of Poon

Bad Friends

CHAPTER

Dating Anecdotes and Celebrity Interactions

A casual conversation about dating preferences and experiences, including anecdotes about being friend-zoned and delayed physical intimacy. The chapter also recounts humorous interactions at an Asian Excellence Awards event with celebrities like Danny DeVito and Ralph Macchio, leading to playful 'fuck, marry, kill' scenarios and banter.

00:00
Speaker 3
I can't finish a cup. I got to go. Sometimes I bring the cup in the bathroom which is just a Red Bull.
Speaker 1
That's what I do. What is Red Bull, bud? Do you even know what it is? Oh, yes. It's bullshit. It's fucking trash. It's not good. It's so bad for your body. Oh, fuck man. Oh, no. You're just finding this out? Citric acid. Touring.
Speaker 2
What is touring? What is the best? Yeah. It's a good thing. It's an essential
Speaker 1
amino acid for babies. That's exactly for their own touring but they're
Speaker 2
high amounts of it.
Speaker 6
You are
Speaker 3
a big baby. I got goofoo. Can
Speaker 2
I ask? Touring makes me do that. Ask my question or because you want to shit-ramp. Go ahead. I'll
Speaker 3
get off of it. All right.
Speaker 2
So I call you last night. So how many dates do you go on right before the kiss happens?
Speaker 1
If you're good, you probably get it on the first date. All right.
Speaker 2
I've been dating this girl.
Speaker 8
There's two dates already. Hey.
Speaker 1
Girl.
Speaker 7
Go ahead. Bathhouse.
Speaker 1
Bathhouse. Bathhouse. Bathhouse. J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J.
Speaker 8
You want to get out of here? All right. All
Speaker 1
right. So you want on a date a couple of dates
Speaker 2
with the whole do that It gets
Speaker 1
the whole room and I get
Speaker 2
into it and then lose my kind of thought
Speaker 10
Bathos bathos bathos bathos bathos bathos
Speaker 1
All right two dates or three dates
Speaker 2
so tonight I'm going on the third day
Speaker 3
where to this is important
Speaker 2
Because if you're not getting the kids where you take it or tonight's restaurants. What are you talking about
Speaker 9
like?
Speaker 2
Thank you. Oh fuck The first time we went out was
Speaker 6
I think
Speaker 2
I Don't want to say it you can because it's over I know but
Speaker 5
You don't want to seem rich
Speaker 8
What is
Speaker 2
it? We got the meat That's my go-to spot up with every day so I don't want it other girls that I've on that's fine And go and they go well, that's why he took me you
Speaker 1
there's no way you think there's no way We think girls don't know that you're taking them out to the same places of course you are we're creatures of habit You
Speaker 3
go to six places
Speaker 1
All
Speaker 3
of us go to six places. Yeah,
Speaker 5
yeah,
Speaker 1
potchay for me. It's Chipotle, California pizza kitchen Don't be real be real buns in the valley I'm serious.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Yeah, it's the same six places. All right, I don't stray Okay, if you okay
Speaker 2
the the six places right that if you're gonna go on a date with what are they I have mine?
Speaker 1
You got your six. Yeah, I think so I'm fucking married. We don't go on I
Speaker 2
know but just hypothetically if you were single where would you
Speaker 1
go where would I take them? Yeah, probably to East side shit East side shit's hip shit. That's where the that's where he lives. Pachay. No,
Speaker 5
Pachay's not no
Speaker 1
Pachay's over by us little domes Little domes is great. That's good. Yeah, little like Bastia. Yeah. Yeah. I
Speaker 5
went to mother wolf I
Speaker 1
like mother wolf on and funk eva that's him same guy fun fun. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 2
I go to Damien.
Speaker 3
Yeah bar Flores Yeah, Damien's Damien's
Speaker 1
we talk about Damien all time. Damien's great and then
Speaker 2
you know Bastia across the street
Speaker 1
from there. Yep, hippo
Speaker 3
That's right hippo's good. What'd you call me? That's
Speaker 2
his nickname. I was talking about his mom
Speaker 7
What's that
Speaker 3
about
Speaker 9
You
Speaker 2
thought we'd move past that what is that? I know you're right. You're right. What
Speaker 1
were you doing right there? I'm being aggressive. What
Speaker 3
is that right there that you think
Speaker 1
you're doing? What do you think you were doing? That was a good idea. I don't think it was a good idea. I don't think
Speaker 3
it was a good idea That one's gonna sit with
Speaker 1
me for a minute. Will you
Speaker 5
please let that one go? I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, ask the question
Speaker 2
I already did so how many do you think so I'm tonight's the third date? She better
Speaker 1
kiss you on the third date That's crazy third date. You don't even get like a peck friend zone
Speaker 3
after that. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1
friend. Oh wow
Speaker 8
Spanish has spoken access
Speaker 9
Amigo zone
Speaker 3
yeah amigo zone
Speaker 2
that fucking burn me that hurt. Yeah,
Speaker 1
hey, you've been
Speaker 2
friend-zoned. Oh
Speaker 1
my
Speaker 3
everybody in their fuck Everyone in
Speaker 5
this room Everyone's been no one is immune to the you've
Speaker 2
been friend zone I
Speaker 1
got friends own one time so hard in college. I went over to this fucking girls dorm who I like crushed crushed crushed on Yeah, I was putting in all the work
Speaker 3
trying to do the right thing
Speaker 1
She's like come on over and hang out and I was like fuck yeah, maybe this is it I go to her fucking dorm. Yeah, I'm kicking it taking it easy not trying to be aggressive no moves no great song We're hanging out take it easy Take it I'm sitting
Speaker 3
on the like one
Speaker 1
of those um what are those what were they called the big bean bags? Love sack. Yeah,
Speaker 2
remember those you know what I call them. What your mom
Speaker 3
You mother fucker
Speaker 1
I'm sitting on a love sack on her dorm room floor and in walks
Speaker 3
The
Speaker 1
guy that she's fucking
Speaker 9
oh And she's like pain pain this is my friend Andrew
Speaker 1
This is so-and-so and I was like pain pain buddy and she literally goes do you want to hang out and? Finish we were watching it. Do you want to finish this? We're gonna go grab some to eat. I was like yeah I just hung out on the dorm by myself. That guy now. This is what he does for a living. Yeah, that guy. Oh wait Hold on. Let me guess keep going It's not about wait wait wait no my minute. I want to see what maybe I can guess oh you
Speaker 8
guess it all right
Speaker 1
Let's see do it
Speaker 2
again Gingraves no digging graves is that what you guys keep
Speaker 1
doing
Speaker 3
it. Let me see if I can oh
Speaker 2
Keep doing it high-lie keep doing it. Yeah, yeah, you're
Speaker 3
trying to get you some exercise What does he do what I was trying to get some exercise he pulls rope
Speaker 2
always a rope oh I'm the I'm the caboose you really are and I do it this way. Yeah, it's like this all right then what what is this?
Speaker 1
Nailing Jesus to the cross. Yeah,
Speaker 9
yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 2
yeah only thing I can
Speaker 3
That guy did a great job. He hung
Speaker 1
up there for a while. Yeah, so third so third date you got to get a kiss I
Speaker 5
Think if you don't then you kind of know it's amigo you're
Speaker 3
amigo
Speaker 2
But can I can I say this and by the
Speaker 1
way, we're not advocating you don't have to kiss anybody But if by the third date you're not romantically interested in someone ladies
Speaker 5
tell him but
Speaker 2
With Kallala back in the day it took me eight dates
Speaker 1
Well really yeah to open up those floodgates.
Speaker 3
Yeah, I'm shocked
Speaker 1
It took me like I thought she was hung in there. She didn't like the restaurants.
Speaker 7
Yeah
Speaker 2
You son of a visitor.
Speaker 1
Yeah large-mont wine and cheese didn't cut
Speaker 2
it. Yeah, so um that's interesting that changes things
Speaker 5
Yeah,
Speaker 2
eight days yeah cuz sometimes here sometimes when maybe she
Speaker 1
was fighting off an infection
Speaker 5
Hmm it could have
Speaker 1
been a couple of days or that cow or something No, like a UTI maybe she had something she didn't want to let you in
Speaker 2
Eight do you quietly you mean eight?
Speaker 1
Maybe at the beginning she was fighting off something. She was on their period or maybe you never know the possibility. Yeah
Speaker 2
I was seems like a like no I was in competition. So you were competing against other guys With her she was single there was other
Speaker 1
options So she wanted to see if you
Speaker 5
were worthwhile. I think more time plays well for you though
Speaker 2
Bobby why
Speaker 1
Interesting argument
Speaker 5
To know you you can't have a fun love above. I
Speaker 1
guess that's true. Yeah
Speaker 2
Mmm, but not
Speaker 3
love a first sight. You are definitely
Speaker 1
not love it first sight unless it's the geeky
Speaker 2
In my love at second sight. I mean your
Speaker 1
love is blind
Speaker 2
Love is blind right for sure. Yeah, so um yeah, sometimes I do My personality I can get in there, but it's like it just takes so much like the
Speaker 1
reason this is bothering you He doesn't know is last week we talked about he went in for a smooch and he got cheeked.
Speaker 2
That's the same girl I know so I
Speaker 3
gotta tell you that yeah,
Speaker 2
I told you last night about the chief. Yeah, you got you talking He got you got out of the car real quick
Speaker 1
This is why I think this is not this girl doesn't want to be she wants to be a homie. She likes you as a human
Speaker 2
Kind of makes me so sad. I like a
Speaker 3
mama just text
Speaker 1
her kiss or not Send
Speaker 2
a poll. Yeah,
Speaker 1
do an Instagram poll. Will this chick kiss me tonight? She'll see this is what I'm gonna do
Speaker 2
You want to hear my fucking thing? Yeah Are you being
Speaker 6
real? Yeah, okay,
Speaker 2
so um if it doesn't happen. I kind of don't want it to happen
Speaker 1
Okay, you pull a gun out kill yourself right in front of you
Speaker 2
This is your fault. Yeah, and I want to um and then I like moving on
Speaker 1
You never talked to her again because I'll tell you something what happened.
Speaker 6
I want to tell you something that happened to me
Speaker 2
Okay, I wasn't ever gonna talk about this But right when Kallai and I broke up back in the day,
Speaker 6
right? I
Speaker 2
went on a date with the girl same thing two or three days nothing right and
Speaker 6
then the issue is at the comedy store
Speaker 1
Recently
Speaker 2
yeah, I hadn't seen her since then
Speaker 6
and we hooked up that night at the comedy store It is like and seen her in like over like a year and a half. Oh, that's hot You know my point is is that sometimes
Speaker 2
absolutely yeah,
Speaker 6
yeah, we plat the seed. Yeah, and it will grow mm-hmm
Speaker 1
Those bonds I trees grow real slow, but they do it It's a long game. It's a long it's a hundred year game. Yeah, you're playing
Speaker 2
the hundred year When Mr. Miyagi was cutting the Beyonce tree in the original quality. Yeah best movie. Yeah, it's a great movie. So good What's the point guy? Oh, see you don't know you do you miss out when I was watching the theater? I'm like
Speaker 1
that's what you do now. You missed it completely like the Benny Jezero it its patience. It's it's It's meditation, but he doesn't even
Speaker 2
sell it on eBay. He just kind of has them well. He had
Speaker 1
a pin Pinterest for a while I think mr. Miyagi Yeah,
Speaker 9
yeah, look at
Speaker 1
him no pussy. That was his only fans back then That's what only fans was trimming bonsai
Speaker 2
You fucking loser dude by the
Speaker 1
way rough macho same age today that he was that yeah photo this guy
Speaker 2
I've met him
Speaker 1
what baby blood is he drinking that he looks at is also look
Speaker 2
at how handsome that guy the nicest guy You will ever fucking not surprised
Speaker 1
great after something good dude great guy Give me the age of this
Speaker 3
gentleman now. He's 62 shut the fuck up that guy 62 years old
Speaker 1
That guy
Speaker 3
62
Speaker 2
Wow one of the nice guys in the world did
Speaker 5
I love that so fucking handsome, how did you know that what? How'd
Speaker 9
you know it was
Speaker 1
62 doing some late night googling
Speaker 2
I think because when the night I met him alright, so I was hosting this thing called the Asian Excellence Awards
Speaker 3
Welcome back to the Asian X-Rancer Awards
Speaker 1
Why would they use a word like excellence with
Speaker 7
Asians the X-Rancer
Speaker 8
Of all
Speaker 7
words to use
Speaker 6
Then the
Speaker 3
Asian X-Rancer
Speaker 7
Awards hosted by Jasey
Speaker 2
Yeah, all right times have changed times have changed all right, so
Speaker 3
you're hosting the day Yeah, so
Speaker 1
you're hosting leave it or not. I believe trust The Asian
Speaker 8
Is he
Speaker 2
Asian no, but he likes a shit kill bill and stuff so he was on the show That's where I have a photo on Instagram where I met and we have a photo together That's what I met him Danny DeVito and then rock now chill was there
Speaker 7
He did karate kid Danny DeVito
Speaker 3
why the fuck was he there cuz he's short like you guys
Speaker 5
I mean think
Speaker 1
about that from the back. I'm like look at that little Korean guy running away Yeah, so um
Speaker 2
and I Ralph match it was there and I remember I mean not that the other people were there were rude It's just he was more Available he was just night. He was a moment guy like yeah, he's a moment guy Yeah, he was just like when I talking to me I was just like and um my fucking My brother when he was drinking was there
Speaker 3
that's when he was still using what that's
Speaker 2
when he was so So Danny DeVito Tarantino and Ralph macho they were sitting on backstage on these couches My brother was on the outskirts drinking no really drunk and he kept walking up to Ralph match I swear to God going And they're backing up he's not wrong. Yeah, and I would go I remember going Like fucking like a stony
Speaker 6
Wrong I love
Speaker 5
your brother. Yeah, he didn't
Speaker 2
know anybody
Speaker 1
by the way those three guys fuck Mary kill Yeah, Danny DeVito Ralph machio and And Tarantino Yeah,
Speaker 2
fuck Mary kill me all right. So who would I?
Speaker 1
Tarantino Danny DeVito and Ralph machio fuck every Ralph machio sure yeah
Speaker 2
I mean
Speaker 1
probably kill Danny DeVito you'd have to kill Tarantino cuz the name of a sake of his films kill bill kill kill quinton That's
Speaker 2
true, but then you'd
Speaker 3
have to fuck Danny How fun to toss that guy around that's easy. That's the easy part. He's a spinner.

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