How to Successfully Navigate a Conversational Ritual

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Deborah: I found it interesting to read about some of the conversational rituals that women have. Women are often told they apologize too much, but just apologizing cause something bad happened is not enough. She says a woman will use an apology to get the other person to apologize. Deborah: It's almost like sit on a seesaw, a teeter totter. You sit on your side, but you trust the other persons to sit on their side.

Have you ever been in a meeting and shared an idea, only to have it ignored? Then, 10 minutes later, a guy shares the same idea, and your boss says “Great idea!” (Grrr.) Or maybe you’ve been told you apologize too much, don’t speak up enough, or that you need more “confidence” or “leadership presence.” (Ugh.) In this episode, we tackle three aspects of communication: first, how and why women’s speech patterns differ from men’s; second, how women can be more assertive in meetings; and third, how women can deal with interrupters (since the science shows women get interrupted more often than men do). Guests: Deborah Tannen is a professor of linguistics at Georgetown University. She is best known as the author of the bestseller “You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation.” Jill Flynn is a founding partner at Flynn Heath Holt Leadership. Amy Gallo is an HBR contributing editor and author of the “HBR Guide to Dealing with Conflict.” Our theme music is Matt Hill’s “City In Motion,” provided by Audio Network. For links to the articles mentioned in this episode, as well as other information about the show, visit hbr.org/podcasts/women-at-work.