Regulation is a path, not a flip

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Chapters 00:00 Introduction: Why Goals Feel Exhausting 01:00 You've Only Ever Pursued Goals from a Survival State 03:00 Why Relief is Your Primary Dopamine Source 05:00 The Primal Metaphor: Running from the Bear vs Picking Berries 08:00 Why Focusing on the End Goal Keeps You Stuck 11:00 What Regulated Motivation Actually Looks Like 14:00 My Real Life Example: 7 Years Dysregulated vs 2.5 Years Regulated 17:00 Growth is a Long-Term Game 19:00 This Week's Practice: Shift from Sprint to Present

Summary In this episode, I talk about why long-term goals feel impossible with ADHD - and how to actually change that. If goals feel exhausting, you have ideas but pursuing them feels overwhelming and anxiety-fueled, and you can't sustain anything long-term, you're likely dysregulated. Here's what's really happening: you've only ever pursued goals from a survival state, and survival state motivation is sprint motivation. When you're in fight or flight, your body isn't trying to help you grow - it's trying to help you survive or escape. The only motivation that works in that state is urgency, shame, fear, and guilt. This is why you can't start a project until the deadline is hours away, why you crash after submitting something, and why you burn out trying to fix your whole life in a weekend. I share a powerful analogy: you're trying to climb a mountain with "run from the bear" energy, but all meaningful goals require "walk the mountain path to pick berries" energy. These are two completely different nervous system modes. Most ADHDers have only ever operated in sprint mode, but all goals worth having require that steady foraging energy. I break down what keeps you stuck (focusing on completion as the only reward, needing panic to get started) and what regulated motivation actually looks like (steady, sustainable, internally rewarding, about experience not escape). I share my real-life entrepreneur example: 7 years dysregulated getting nowhere versus 2.5 years regulated building consistent momentum. The key isn't trying harder - it's working on the state of your nervous system so you can access that berry-picking energy.

Action Step This week, when you sit down to do something (start small - even washing dishes counts), notice when you get into that sprinting energy of "I gotta get this over with." Shift it to: "For the next few minutes, I'm just going to be present with the task at hand. I'm just gonna do what I'm doing." You're teaching your nervous system: this is safe, I'm not running from a bear, I am picking berries. This disrupts that relief-driven cycle and starts building your capacity for sustainable, long-term effort. Remember: slowing down doesn't mean doing less - it means picking berries instead of running from the bear.

Takeaways

• You've only ever pursued ADHD goals from a survival state, and survival motivation is sprint motivation - urgency, shame, fear, guilt - which can't sustain long-term pursuits
• When dysregulated, relief is your primary dopamine source (just get it over with) versus fulfillment (I want to do this) - this is why you can't stick with goals
• The analogy: you're trying to climb mountains with "run from the bear" energy when you need "walk the path to pick berries" energy - two completely different nervous system modes
• Regulated motivation is steady, sustainable, internally rewarding, and about experience not escape - you can start without panic, continue without adrenaline, stop without self-judgment, and pick up again without dread
• Slowing down and being present with each step (berry-picking energy) will get you to your goals more consistently than sprinting (bear energy) - sustainability beats intensity for anything meaningful

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