Personally

speaking, how does that work for you in a romantic relationship? Say, are you a people pleaser in that sense? Cause that can sometimes be quite difficult. Ye,

and traditionally, have very much been a people pleaser in the romantic setting. And in the long run, i and the relationships have suffered for it, because something would come up, whoever i was with would say something unpleasant, or treat me badly, or lack compassion in some instance. And in order to please them, in order to not upset them, i would let it go. And it was interesting, as she listening to your chat with jeana miller on this podcast, and she said one of the most important lessons she learned was to not let the little things go. And she as right. You know, all these little things that i let go, i relationships, built up to a point where the relatio ship was no longer tenable, because i'd felt so unvalued, and i'd let so many small insults pass, and they'd built up into an overall sense of antagonism. And eventually the relationship was sort of ruined by it. And i canno, wish i'd listened to jeana miller six years ago. We all wish that. We all wish.

Let's move on to your third failure, which is mandarin. Tell us about that.

Yes, i never became a mandarin in business. I've always wanted knowas not than i i mandarin the language. I've never ever gott my head around mandarin. I've never truly got fluent a mandarin. And it's been this sort of tick sucking on the blood in the back of my head for my entire life. I grew up in malesia. I lived in malesia till i was 16. And the first couple of schools i went to wete chinese schools. My malasian side is chinese and native bonion, but culturally very chinese. And so they all spoke chinese. And chinese schools in malasia teach a mandarin. And so i started learning from an early age to bit of mandarin. But chinese school is very brutal in malasia. And i got to the age of ten, and i just couldn't really handle how brutal and frightening. Chinese school was, they had corporal punishment, you know, so if you didn't finish homewor youd get caned under onthe hand. There was a couple of teachers, youwould get a cane per percentage point you got below, say, 80 % on ta test. So if you got idonkno, 75 %, you get five strokes with a cane. And so day going into chinese school was terrifying, cause i was walking into this space where i didn't feel physically safe. E and it really took a tall on me. Even now, i have this real fear of authority and of getting things wrong. And my fear of failure, i think some pot stems from my years in chinese school, where failure was punishable with physical pain. And so i left chi school at the age of ten to a more gentle school, which didn't teach chinese ist like a catholic school. I taught english and malay, and so i was much happier there, but i stopp learning chinese, and my chinese sinsemens just withered away. And now i can kind o get by a little bit. I ca, i speak basically like a chinese five year old mite, but i can't read very much. Forgotten most of the characters, and i have no opportunity to get back. Ter elly, i'm e offoiy say, i could take lessons, but i don't have time. I'm busy. I don't have any one to speak it too, because this is an english speaking society, you know. And i don't have any chinese relatives around. And so it's very hard to come to the acceptance that i will never have a grasp on my mandarin. They'll never be fluent. And it feels like i will never have full ownership over one side of my heritage. You know, yes, bu don't you know what there was i could have done about it? I could have studied more an more in private time, but i just, you know, life takes over, and i coudnt have stayed in a chinese school. That was just so dramatic. Yes,

it sounds herendus.