How to Respond to the Defense Mechanisms That You've Created

We build up this false sense of self that we then parade to other people. And preemptively reject people preemptively reject things. So if I've made the decision that I'm never going to be rejected, how do I respond? If I become a crotchety person because I've built up these defense mechanisms Well, then people aren't going to want to hang around me and then we repeat the cycle.