Tabitha experienced a complicated set of emotions, both about benedict and about her obsession with benedict. She d never felt more joyful or alive as she did watching sherlock. But spending so much time being a fan girl came with a lot of guilt. Wasting her time on something so trivial also made her feel selfish. It's not about serving the needs of other people. It is something that is just for you. And it required an entire book for me to explain. That book is entitled, this is not a book about benedicts cumberbatch, the joy of loving something, anything like your life depends on it.