Using emotions to clarify feedback goals

If you’re a premium subscriber, add the private feed to your podcast app at add.lennysreads.comIf feedback is a gift, why does it often feel so difficult?

In this episode, we break down executive coach Jack Cohen’s evidence-based GAIN framework - a simple, memorable way to give feedback that actually lands.

Whether you manage a team or want to nudge a peer, this is a step-by-step playbook for feedback that strengthens relationships, drives behavior change, and leaves people feeling supported and motivated to change.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why we struggle to give tough feedback

• How “start with the Goal” flips defensiveness into motivation

• Why great feedback names Actions and Impacts, not judgments

• How acknowledging your contribution disarms resistance

• Scripts that make tough conversations feel collaborative

• A framing that helps preserve ambition and psychological safety

• A Stanford-tested “wise feedback” sentence that boosts follow-through

• The 3 Ws framework to lock in change

• A live case study: a VP uses GAIN to unwind a founder’s micromanaging habit

References:

• Amy Edmondson: https://www.linkedin.com/in/amycedmondson/

• “Breaking the cycle of mistrust: Wise interventions to provide critical feedback across the racial divide”: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2013-28213-001

• Brian Martin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/brian-e-martin-50575a2b/

• Carol Dweck: https://www.linkedin.com/in/carol-dweck-4618236/

• Cycle of conflict or cycle of connection?: https://speakerdeck.com/jackcohen/cycle-of-conflict-or-cycle-of-connection

• FeedbackGPT: https://maven.com/p/6f79f8/feedback-gpt-give-feedback-people-thank-you-for

• “Framing for Learning: Lessons in Successful Technology Implementation: https://www.notion.so/27d43d3a2709810a9f8de040eea2b01a?pvs=21”

• How to become a supermanager with AI: https://www.lennysnewsletter.com/p/how-to-become-a-supermanager-with

• How to motivate your team for free: https://actionablewisdom.beehiiv.com/p/how-to-motivate-your-team-for-free

• Jack Cohen: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jackadamcohen/

• John Gottman: https://www.gottman.com/author/john-gottman-ph-d/

• ManagerGPT: The AI Tools and Human Systems to Scale Yourself and Your Team Fast: https://maven.com/actionablefeedback/managergpt

• Nischal Nadhamuni: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nishchaln/

• Nonviolent Communication (book): https://www.amazon.ca/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Life-Changing-Relationships/dp/189200528X

• “On the elicitation of preferences for alternative therapies”: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/7070445/

• “Praise for intelligence can undermine children's motivation and performance: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9686450/”

• Radical Candor (book): https://www.amazon.ca/Radical-Candor-Kick-Ass-Without-Humanity/dp/1250103509

• Satya Nadella: https://www.linkedin.com/in/satyanadella/

• Sheryl Sandberg: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sheryl-sandberg-5126652/

• Slack: https://slack.com/

• Stanford University: https://www.stanford.edu/

• Tal Raviv: https://www.linkedin.com/in/talsraviv/

• “The effectiveness of the “But-you-are-free” technique: Meta-analysis and re-examination of the technique: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/344807911_The_effectiveness_of_the_But-you-are-free_technique_Meta-analysis_and_re-examination_of_the_technique”

• The Founder’s Dilemmas: Anticipating and Avoiding the Pitfalls That Can Sink a Startup (book): https://www.amazon.com/Founders-Dilemmas-Anticipating-Foundation-Entrepreneurship/dp/0691158304

• The GAIN Feedback Template: https://maven.com/p/ad08cc/the-gain-feedback-template

• Read the newsletter: https://www.lennysnewsletter.com/p/introducing-the-gain-framework-for

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Welcome to Lenny's Reads, where every week you’ll find a fresh audio version of my newsletter about building product, driving growth, and accelerating your career, read to you by the soothing voice of Lennybot.