I was able to summon a morsel of self love and an valuation of my life. I justi think my life could mean more than this. If i don't, not just that, but if i don't stop, something very terrible is going to happenvery soon. It would be a couple of decades later before i realized that that night was actually the impetus for what would come a few months later. But i don't think i would have been capable of getting myself into any kind of treatment programme because i just couldn't get myself anywhere at any given time.

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