I'm an optimal distance person. I live in the world of optimal distance. My version of that smile on the stiff arm is the person who reaches out their hand to shake it while leaning back. That's a person who neither fully lands in intimacy nor fully breaks free and escape velocity into full self expression. It's therefore important to find friends, lovers, mates who are okay with you resting in a kind of closeness with them. And so the opportunity then for a more avoidantly attached person is to strengthen both of those polls by becoming more comfortable with closeness.

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