My Instinctive Fallibility

I have goals and plans and modivations, and it feels as if i didn't achieve them. It is my fallibility to have the nee jerk reaction of failure. The big red flag is envy of other people. Why would a positive in their life feel like a shortcoming in mine? I now no longer have an internal locus of evaluation. I'm moving towards an external locu of evaluation. Locust with which i evaluate myself worth is now dependent on other people,. What theyare doing and what they think of me.