Is Your Loved One Intelligent?

In the old days, people by and large assumed that the reason that some blobs of stuff, like brains, were intelligent was because there was some sort of non-physical secret sauce in the watermelon. But as a physicist, I look at the watermelon and I look at my wife's head and in both cases, I see a big blob of quarks, comparable size. So what makes my wife intelligent compared to watermelon is not the stuff that's in there. It's the pattern, which is arranged. For something to be a useful memory device, for example, it simply has to have many different stable or long-lived states. Like if you engrave your wife