Have you ever tried to change someone’s mind—and watched them dig in even deeper? Or wondered why, even when you want to change your own beliefs, it feels like pushing against an invisible force? In this episode, Tony Overbay, LMFT, takes you on a journey that starts with a teenage quest for the perfect tan and ends with a powerful realization about how we construct our social realities. After sharing a personal story about undergoing a dramatic topical chemotherapy treatment for actinic keratosis, Tony reflects on how his temporarily altered appearance changed the way people interacted with him—and how it altered the way he saw himself.
This experience sets the stage for a breakdown of the groundbreaking Dartmouth scar study, which revealed that the belief that you’re being judged can actually create that experience—regardless of reality. From there, Tony dives into the science of confirmation bias: how our brains are wired to seek out information that supports what we already believe, and how this cognitive shortcut influences everything from politics and religion to parenting and marriage. You’ll hear real-life examples, client stories (with details changed for confidentiality), and powerful metaphors that unpack why belief change is so hard—and why it’s also essential for personal growth, emotional maturity, and deeper human connection.
00:00 The Quest for the Perfect Tan
00:35 A Dermatologist's Warning
01:33 The Chemotherapy Cream Experience
02:27 Social Reactions to Visible Differences
05:20 The Dartmouth Scar Study
06:24 The Power of Perception
15:25 Confirmation Bias in Action
32:47 Interpreting Neutral Events
33:04 Religion and Coincidences
33:34 Selective Memory in Parenting and Beyond
34:58 Confirmation Bias in Action
36:23 Client Story: Recognizing Bias
40:32 Vaccine Hesitancy and Confirmation Bias
44:58 The Scar Study and Confirmation Bias
54:56 Evolutionary Roots of Belief Protection
57:33 Modern Challenges and Professional Competence
01:01:49 Conclusion and Listener Engagement
Contact Tony at contact@tonyoverbay.com to learn more about his Emotional Architects men's group.
And visit https://julie-dejesus.com/cruise to learn more about Tony and his friend Julie De Jesus's "I See You Living" cruise, a 5-night Western Caribbean Cruise from January 24-29, 2026 aboard the Royal Caribbean Cruise Line.
