Shouldn't They Know Better?

Why do kids raised in the same home react so differently to the exact same situation? In this episode, I'm joined by Alyssa Campbell, author, educator, and founder of Seed & Sew, to unpack what's really happening beneath our kids' behaviors—and why understanding their nervous systems changes everything about how we parent.

Alyssa returns to the show to talk about her new book Big Kids, Bigger Feelings, and we go deep into the overlooked developmental stage of kids ages 5–12. We discuss why "shouldn't they know better?" is the wrong question, how regulation and access to skills are two different things, and why each child's unique sensory profile determines how they experience stress, connection, discipline, and learning. This conversation will give you clarity, compassion, and practical tools to parent each child for who they actually are—not who you expect them to be.

Timeline Summary

[0:00] Why kids raised by the same parents can behave so differently

[2:33] Introducing Alyssa Campbell and her work in emotional intelligence

[3:27] Alyssa's first book Tiny Humans, Big Emotions and its success

[3:49] Celebrating Alyssa hitting the New York Times bestseller list

[4:11] Introducing the new book Big Kids, Bigger Feelings

[5:00] Why ages 5–12 are a massively overlooked developmental stage

[6:03] Central nervous systems and why kids respond differently to the same stimulus

[7:36] "Knowing better" vs. having access to skills in the moment

[9:15] Dysregulation in adults—and why kids struggle even more

[14:24] Why kids under 25 don't have fully developed prefrontal cortexes

[16:03] How screens and overstimulation dysregulate kids

[18:12] Why nervous system awareness builds empathy instead of frustration

[22:45] The nine sensory systems every parent should understand

[24:01] Vestibular, proprioceptive, and interoceptive senses explained

[26:17] Sensory sensitivity vs. sensory seeking

[28:12] Introducing the Seed Quiz as "GPS for your kid's brain"

[29:05] How the Seed Quiz works for kids, parents, and families

[31:10] Real-life school example of regulation transforming behavior

[33:09] Why behavior improves when regulation improves

[35:25] Trauma, environment, and how nervous systems evolve

[41:03] Why understanding nervous systems transforms marriages too

[42:06] Parenting two kids with opposite sensory needs

[44:48] Why the same parenting response can calm one child and escalate another

[45:30] Tapping out to your partner when regulation styles differ

[47:01] Where to find Alyssa, her books, and Seed & Sew resources

Five Key Takeaways:

1. Every child has a unique nervous system, which determines how they experience stress, connection, and learning.
2. Knowing what to do and being able to do it in the moment are not the same thing, especially when kids are dysregulated.
3. Behavior improves when regulation improves, not when punishment increases.
4. One-size-fits-all parenting often backfires because kids need different inputs to calm and connect.
5. Understanding nervous systems builds empathy, patience, and more effective parenting strategies.

Links & Resources

• Seed Quiz (Free Tool): https://seedquiz.com
• Seed & Sew Website: https://www.seedandsew.org
• Seed & Sew on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/seed.and.sew/
• Seed & Sew on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/seedandsew.org
• Episode Show Notes & Resources: https://thedadedge.com/1427

Closing Remark

If this episode helped you understand your kids—and yourself—on a deeper level, please rate, review, follow, and share the podcast. Parenting isn't about getting it right every time; it's about learning how to show up for the unique humans we're raising.