Sex, Shame, and Brokenness with Shalee Lehning
The Daily Grace Podcast
Premerital Counseling
Sex is one of the most vulnerable aspects in a marriage. It can be an area that feels really difficult to overcome. We were never taught, and we never talked about just the beauty of it. And so finding healing will probably mean finding a trustworthy person or couple that you can talk to about this. You know what's wrong with me? Like, am i broken? Did i do something wrong? Am i bad at this? A and so ye.
Shame is hard. Shame around sex and sexuality is really hard. Some of us feel shame from our own sexual sin. Others of us feel shame from others who have sinned against us sexually. Some of us grew up in Christian households that didn’t handle the topic of sex and sexuality well so we’ve experienced shame about sex even within the context of marriage. This is all hard. How do we develop a biblical view of sex and sexuality? How can we find healing and hope?
Today, we’re joined by Shalee Lehning. Shalee works on staff at Harvest USA, which is a biblically-based organization that works to help people of all different ages and backgrounds who deal with gender and sexuality issues. Shalee co-wrote a book with Ellen Dykas called “Sexual Faithfulness: Gospel-Infused, Practical Discipleship for Women”. There’s also a FREE course on this topic with guides for leaders and participants. You can find all of this at harvestusa.org. Be sure to follow Harvest USA on Instagram (@harvestusa) for more helpful content.
Here are some questions we covered in this interview:
- What is shame? (6:16)
- Why is sex and sexuality in particular an area that is often surrounded by a lot of shame? (7:47)
- What is sex supposed to be like according to God’s design? (11:42)
- One reason for shame surrounding sex is because of past or present sexual sin. How should we respond to this kind of shame? (15:57)
- Many people believe that if they sinned sexually that they are “damaged goods,” “unforgivable,” “undesirable,” etc. How would you respond to these ideas? (21:48)
- What encouragement or advice would you give to the person who has been violated sexually in some way and is struggling with shame? (26:19)
- A lot of believers who grew up in Christian circles struggle with shame surrounding sex even in the context of a monogamous, Christian marriage. Maybe it feels scary, dirty, or wrong. Why do you think that is? (30:46)
- How can someone who is experiencing this kind of sexual brokenness within their marriage find healing? (37:47)
- Maybe for someone listening, it is their spouse that is struggling with this kind of shame. How can a wife support her husband or a husband support his wife through these struggles, and how can they address their own insecurities that may arise from feeling unwanted or at fault for their spouse’s struggles. (40:17)
- For those of us who have some kind of influence over kids (parents, teachers, sunday school volunteers, aunts and uncles, etc.), how can we approach the topic of sex in a way that helps them grow up with a healthy view of sex according to God’s design? (44:56)
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Sexual Faithfulness: Gospel-Infused, Practical Discipleship for Women by Harvest USA
Sexual Faithfulness Leader’s Guide by Harvest USA
God, You, & Sex: A Profound Mystery by David White
On the Threshold of Hope: Opening the Door to Healing for Survivors of Sexual Abuse by Diane Langberg
Your Dating Relationship and Your Sexual Past by Ellen Mary Dykas
Knowing God by J. I. Packer
Ep. 86 God’s Design for Sex by Daily Grace
Ep. 118 Navigating Toxic Relationships With Ellen Dykas by Daily Grace
Scripture mentioned in this episode:
1 John 1:7
John 4:1-43
John 8:1-11
Psalm 34:4-5
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The opinions of guests on the Daily Grace podcast do not represent the opinions of The Daily Grace Co., and we do not necessarily endorse the resources that they recommend or mention on the show. We believe it is valuable to hear from a variety of guests, even if we do not agree in all areas. As always, the statements made by hosts and guests on the show should be tested against God's Word, the only authority on truth.
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