Okay, my kids also want to know, is it possible that you can do this entire conversation in character as Vanellope?

I mean, I'll try. Your face is so sweet. So

good. I love it. I'll

try, but I've got dyslexia. One

of the things that I've admired most about you, Sarah, is your boldness. You say things that I would be afraid to think, let alone speak. And

I want to know how you got that way. I had a father who thought it was hilarious to teach his toddler swears. He didn't do it with my older, all my sisters, but with me, he did. And we were at Boys Market in Manchester, New Hampshire. And he had, and I just screamed out all these swears he had taught me, and I was three. And the experience of all these adults around me giving me wild affirmation despite themselves, an addiction was born. I remember just feeling this kind of glee that made my arms itch. I found this gift I had been given by my father where I could shock grown-ups, but they would not get mad. They would laugh. It created a monster and a skill. I mean, since I was six, I was going to sleepover camp while I was a bedwetter till I was about 16. So it was awful for me. It was a lesson in total disassociation. But I remember making some friends and I loved Mork and Mindy and I had and I loved Robin Williams. And I had the big rainbow suspenders that I thought were so cool. And I wore I wore them over my camp uniform. And these girls were kind of a clique and they were like these cool girls and they're like, oh, we love your suspenders. And I'm like, aren't they cool? And then we went on a hike and they were kind of behind me and I could hear them like giggling and making fun of me a little bit. And then I turned around and I said, are you guys making fun of me because of my suspenders? Are they not cool? I just said it, blurted it out. And it's really like, if it's mentionable, it's manageable like Mr. Rogers, because they became my friends. Like they laughed at me and they saw that they could laugh at me in front of me.

Which I hope made it more laughing with you. If

I could be included, even if they're laughing at me, I was thrilled, especially because that made me the center. That was a really good lesson. You know, I could have stayed in my head, heard them snickering about me and making fun of me and internalized it. There's some kind of martial arts, and I only learned about it on like season five of Walking Dead or something where you use the force of the force coming towards you. Does that ring a bell? I just thought maybe you know what it's called. Is that what jujitsu is? Yeah. You know, so someone's running at you with all their force and you use that force, their own inertia

or force. Exactly. It's jujitsu. You're using people's force, not against them but for them. So Sarah, a few years ago, I got to see a different side of you when you replied to an internet troll. He

called me a cunt. I mean, I don't usually read comments just out of self-preservation, but of course, sometimes I do. And I saw it and it was something mean, you know, whatever. And I was walking my dog, I remember actually. And I clicked on his profile and I read some of his tweets and I saw that he had severe back pain and I totally relate to that. And so I responded just, just connecting with him on that. I don't know. And then we just started connecting. And then we moved to direct message and most of our relationship was there. There

are a bunch of things that I just found extraordinary about this story. The first one is, I can't even imagine wanting to engage with this person. It's

truly irrelevant it has nothing to do with me at all. If it were personal, if he said I was an unfunny cunt, then it would tinge a little.

What motivated you to look at his timeline? I'm

always curious. I'm always curious if I see something very hateful or just kind of base. I'm curious to see the person behind it a little bit, whatever that avatar is. And so often it's, I love my country and I've gotten, he's number one or whatever. It's like very ironic. But I also am familiar with rage and I'm familiar with the feeling of pain and the very unconscious need or desire to want to inflict the same pain on somebody right away, whoever's in front of you. And I mean, that's something my dad had to deal with and he did not so well and then very well. And then I've had a lot of opportunity and resources to deal with myself. And so I can find a way in. I feel connected to that because I recognize it.

It's so unusual, especially in this era, right, for you to see that kind of behavior and say, all right, not only am I going to empathize with this person, but I'm going to respond with compassion. I'm not just going to read to you what you wrote because I went and looked it up. Oh my God,

you have found it. Of course I found it. I do my homework. I'm on the end of my seat. Oh God. Okay.

Ready? Here's what you said. In response to him insulting you, I believe in you. I read your timeline and I see what you're doing and your rage is thinly veiled pain. But you know that. I know this feeling. P.S. My back fucking sucks too. See what happens when you choose love. I see it in you. You

know, the fraud part of me goes, I don't know someone with like a messiah complex. This exists in a lot of comedians because, and in the unhealthy version, when you're a comic and everyone's laughing and there's one person not laughing that's the only person you care about making laugh and I don't think that's healthy I think it's better to see all these people listening and watching and laughing and joyful and and open but you see that one closed person or the one you know, whatever, and you're laser focused on it. I believe that 100% of comics become funny as a means of surviving childhood. And so often those things that we learn are things that we really need to unlearn in adulthood if they don't serve us anymore. But because it's our career, it serves us. But it's something to navigate. There are comics that don't want to be happy because they're afraid they won't be funny. And I might be the perfect example of that one way or another, because of course there's people online going, remember when you used to be funny? And there are people that find me very funny now, but there is something about that fire that is good. And it's finding a

balance, I guess. Look, I think everybody is vulnerable to a white knight complex at some point. It's hard for me to imagine, though, that you really crave the approval of an internet troll. And I still think it counts as a meaningful act of kindness that you reached out to this person and you didn't stop there. You had a whole conversation with him and he apologized to you and you ended up offering to pay his medical bills and you developed this, this friendship. And I don't think you should be so dismissive of it.

And I think the reason why you bringing this up now, I have a little bit of a heavy heart is because we lost touch. I couldn't find him and I was just left worried. I don't know what happened to him. Well,

Jeremy, if you're listening, Sarah Silverman is looking for you. And he said, I was once a giving and nice person, but too many things destroyed that and I became bitter and hateful. Then Sarah showed me the way. Don't get me wrong. I still got a long way to go, but it's a start. I

just think our purpose is taking care of each other. If we can realize that, boy, I mean, I just think we'd all be happier. I just

looked at that and thought, I wonder if this can scale. Could more people do this? I wonder how much of it mattered because you're famous. And if he had been interacting with a random person, would it have had the same impact on him? Would he have stopped and said, huh, there's a real person there? I

think it would have. It's energy. And it's not just because I moved to California. I think it's science. It's not subjective. It's subjective. Energy exists. And I mean, they do say it cannot be created nor destroyed.

Thermodynamics. I did not expect a thermodynamics reference in this conversation. But

it can be changed. And I did have an experience of changing energy with a guy who was screaming at me outside of a weed store. He said that I bumped into his car with my car. And I consciously thought, this is an opportunity to see if I can change this energy. Because he screamed at me, got out of his car, screamed at me. And then my heart was pounding and it was converting into rage. And I just said, hold on, I can catch this energy or I can try to change it. And by the end, we were, we hugged and we were laughing and it was so successful. It was clear that his rage was not created from me. I really did not touch his car when I was parking. I didn't even kiss it, but he had decided whatever was going on with him, he needed this, you know. You went right into my car. Oh, and he said, and you're a woman, so I can't even do anything about it. Like, well, you're going to punch me? And I got out and I go, show me the damage because I'm going to pay for this. I'm going to make this right. And he goes, don't forget it. I said, no, I want to see. I'm going to pay for this. I'm a woman of means and I'm responsible and I'm going to pay for this. He goes, forget it. Just don't worry about it. It's fine. You know, there was no scratch. But so he backed off of that. And I said, well, I'm going to the pot store and I'm going to buy you pot. What's your preference? He goes, don't you have to do that. I go, I'm doing it. And he goes, the full body one. I go, Indica. Okay. I go into the pot store and I'm standing in line. And I get him a big Indica like spliff and I'm getting some other things and I'm still in line and the security guard there said, hey, the meter person is stopping. You're going to get a ticket. I go, shit. And then he goes, oh, that guy that was yelling at you is putting change in your meter. And I go, oh, you know, like I just, it was a love language. And I said, can you believe this? We were enemies and now we're best friends. And I just, I left there beaming. That's such

a sweet story. I do feel like if this were your standup routine, you would have been like, and then I found out I gave him COVID and he totally deserved it. And he passed away. Okay, there's a pattern here, which is you respond to these people who are nasty and aggressive by being aggressively kind.

Yeah. Yeah.

And it works. It reaches them.

People are just in so much pain and have no tools, you know? I play Call of Duty. This is probably not healthy at all. It doesn't... I don't know that it's doing anything good for me, but lately this is what I enjoy. Wow. And I've always played like just with bots. And then I started playing with real people, but I'm on mute and they're on mute. And then I put, I unmuted the people and they were like 14 year olds going, fucking kill yourself, dude and like just screaming at me because I suck oh

no it's

a very dark place I mean we were saying really a lot of language that you don't hear in polite society anymore the game will be over and then all the scores are up and you can see who's talking what their score is and. And I'm always last, almost always last. And I'll go, you know what? Whatever score you got, you guys, I'm so proud of all of you. We should all be proud. And then they see who's saying it and they're so mad. And for some reason it tickles me, which is another side

of me, I guess. I think what you're doing, there's a foundation for it in psychology, right? Which is what most people do is they meet aggression with aggression, and then it spirals. And you're diffusing it by countering their expectations, making them feel seen and understood, and all of a sudden, there's nothing to hit. They're

showing me that they are craving care. I'm

reminded of a riot experiment. I think this was on League of Legends, where they have all these players, you know, who are contributing to toxic chat, basically. And they create a tribunal where they, when people report a player for toxic behavior, they just display the chat logs to the community, and then people vote on whether the person's behavior is toxic. And through this self-policing system, they're able to get a lot of these people to reform, because they see their reputation. Like, oh, wow. Like, I'm not proud of the way that I acted. And a lot of people end up apologizing for it. And so it makes me wonder, like, is there a next step here where you say, okay, the first part is to show the person kindness who's being cruel. The second part is to show them the pattern of behavior they've built up. Like, here's your chat log. Here's your timeline. This is the way you're showing up in the world. Is that who you want to be? Is that how you want to be seen? And for most people, the answer is hell no.

I don't know. I just I find a lot of success in gestures of care. And, you know, is that a form of manipulation? Yeah, maybe.

I mean, if it is, it's the healthiest manipulation I can think of. I

remember like the kind of new wave of feminism and trying to appeal to straight men to be feminists as going like, you're going to get so much pussy. Like if you're like feminist marches and stuff, you know. Yeah,

you don't really want to draw people in that way.

For

the wrong reasons.

It's like The Bachelor. You don't want to be there for the wrong reasons. I think some

people would look at this kind of outreach that you've done and say that you're too empathetic and too forgiving. What's the downside? Well, if trolls are using aggression to get attention, is there a risk that you're reinforcing the behavior? Right.

Like are people now calling me a cunt online to try to connect? I

hope that hasn't happened. 99%

of that is I don't respond to or, and a lot of it I don't see, but maybe, I don't know. I don't know. And

if that's how you choose to operate, and your hope is that that kindness then is going to be paid forward, it seems like an investment in creating a more respectful community or at least planting those seeds of a different kind of behavior. And that seems to be an investment making. Yeah.

Well, good energy is also catchy. It may be a couple digits less catchy than negative energy. But

that means we need more of it.

Listen, I'm not a perfect driver and I mess up a lot. And what I've noticed is when they come up next to me, I'm already there waiting for them going, I'm so sorry. Or I'll roll down and go, I'm a terrible driver. I'm so sorry. And I mean, it diffuses it immediately. It's pretty wild. Or even like if someone honks at me like, or something, one thing I'll do, and this is not nice and it's very manipulative, is I will look in my rear view mirror at them and pretend to recognize them like I know them and go, what? You know, and then they are immediately terrified and horrified because you wouldn't do that to someone you know. It's fun. I

really like that.