Women Are Socialized to Be Less Confident

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One of the ways i have noticed that women will try to make not just requests, but all kinds of sort of leadership manoeuvres, less direct is by phrasing things as questions. Laurie hetherington did i study where she asked hundreds of incoming freshmen at the university where she taught to predict the grade that they were going to get in their first year. When it was public, women projicted much lower grades for themselves than men tended to. And when it was private, it was pretty much the same for the women and the men. So what the women were doing was down playing what they really expected so that they wouldn't come across as too full of themselves.

Have you ever been in a meeting and shared an idea, only to have it ignored? Then, 10 minutes later, a guy shares the same idea, and your boss says “Great idea!” (Grrr.) Or maybe you’ve been told you apologize too much, don’t speak up enough, or that you need more “confidence” or “leadership presence.” (Ugh.) In this episode, we tackle three aspects of communication: first, how and why women’s speech patterns differ from men’s; second, how women can be more assertive in meetings; and third, how women can deal with interrupters (since the science shows women get interrupted more often than men do). Guests: Deborah Tannen is a professor of linguistics at Georgetown University. She is best known as the author of the bestseller “You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation.” Jill Flynn is a founding partner at Flynn Heath Holt Leadership. Amy Gallo is an HBR contributing editor and author of the “HBR Guide to Dealing with Conflict.” Our theme music is Matt Hill’s “City In Motion,” provided by Audio Network. For links to the articles mentioned in this episode, as well as other information about the show, visit hbr.org/podcasts/women-at-work.