The Hardest Step Is Finding Love, and You Don't Have to Jump Steps

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If you haven't had a long lasting relationship, how can you do the work or figure out what's going on there? Get some insight into your fears and what you have been doing from relationship to relationship. Look at your relationships with your parents, your peers, with your colleagues. Start to identify who you are and how you behave when you are scared. But that is the hardest part, and that might take quite a while for you to do.

Does it ever feel like you—or someone you know—is always entering a relationship that’s doomed? According to psychology researcher, Dr. Raquel Peel, you may be falling victim to a surprising foe—yourself. Raquel studies “romantic self-sabotage,” the patterns and behaviors that can keep a person from having successful relationships, or justify their failures. In this episode, she outlines common destructive habits to watch out for, and gives guidance on how to recover if you spiral into sabotage. Raquel is a Psychology and Counselling Lecturer at the University of Southern Queensland. Her research interests include relationships, suicide, bullying, stigma, medical education and research methodology. Originally from Brazil, Raquel currently lives in Brisbane, Australia, with her husband Matthew, their two cats Tigre and Patera, Miniature Pinscher, Lobinha, and Doberman, Urso. To learn more about "How to Be a Better Human," host Chris Duffy, or find footnotes and additional resources, please visit: go.ted.com/betterhuman