Are You Free to Make Learning Mandarin Your Top Priority?

I can't account for why i don't want to speak mandarin more than i do. And if it suddenly became the most important thing in my life, i wouldn't have created this change in myself. It would be like being pushed off a cliff and then claiming that i'm free to fall. The fact that i might enjoy the feeling of the wind in my hair doesn't change this situation. A conversation with another person, or indeed a conversation with onesself, simply has the effect that it has and not some other effect. I've already read articles like that, and they haven't moved me. If the next one does, where is the freedom in that?...