SEASON 2 EPISODE 31: SPECIAL COMMENT

A-Block (1:43) Breaking: one-legged Trump invites rivals to an ass-kicking contest: “I hereby challenge Rupert Murdoch and sons, Biden, WSJ heads, to acuity tests!” Today, impossibly, infuriatingly, embarrassingly, we have now circled back to what – with the benefit of hindsight – appears to be the saddest possible thing: THE highlight of his presidency – July 2020 or perhaps earlier, when he was told to memorize an endless string of complicated, unconnected, ill-defined words and then not just remember them, but remember them… in the exact order: PERSON. WOMAN. MAN. CAMERA. TV.

“I proved I was all there,” Trump said proudly, horrifyingly, again and again and again, to every interviewer, at every campaign speech, to everybody who would hold still long enough, beaming like a toddler who managed to poop in the potty chair. Mostly. “I aced it. I aced the test.” We thought those were the most humiliating things he could ever say about himself and that test, which on the mental or intellectual soundness scale is slightly above ‘put a mirror under his nose to see if he’s still breathing.’ We were wrong. For last night, somebody told him about a Wall Street Journal poll showing 73 percent of registered voters believed Joe Biden is too old to run for president – a not unexpected number given that the poll was run by… a former TRUMP pollster. But in that context the second number was shocking. FORTY-SEVEN percent of registered voters in the pro-Trump poll think TRUMP is too old to run. And after a typo in the first sentence of his rage-post last night he got right to it. “A few years ago I was the only one to agree to a mental acuity test and ACED IT” (aced it, is in caps) “Well I hereby challenge Rupert Murdoch and sons, Biden, WSJ heads, to acuity tests! I will name the place and the test, and it will be a tough one. Nobody will come even close to me!”

He trashed the Journal. He called it globalist. Damaged goods. Phony and rigged. He is enraged again. And that was just the start. It devolved into his claim that the true test of NON-MENTAL strength… is golf. Quote: “We can also throw some physical activity into it. I just won the Senior Club Championship at a big golf club,” (as an aside, he means his own, he said so, earlier; he cheats at all golf courses; he cheats at HIS golf courses with impunity; he cheats, literally, over his wife’s dead body). “I just won the Senior Club Championship at a big golf club, with many very good players. To do so you need strength, accuracy, touch and above all, mental toughness. Ask Bret Baier (Fox) a very good golfer.” Yeah that’s who I’m going to, to decide mental and physical competence.“The Wall Street Journal and Fox are damaged goods and their failed DeSanctimonious push and stupid $780 million settlement.” And the final thrust of this intellectual argument that would make Einstein weep – all in caps – “MORONS!!!"

Plus, oh, just confirmation that Clarence and Ginni Thomas and Leonard Leo and Harlan Crow and Cleta Mitchell should all be in jail for life.

B-Block (23:33) POSTSCRIPTS TO THE NEWS: And now he belongs to the ages. Chuck Todd leaves "Meet The Press" thoroughly convinced he did a great job. Don't let BOTH SIDES OF THE DOOR HIT YOU IN THE ASS ON THE WAY OUT Chuck. (29:10) IN SPORTS: Embattled Spanish soccer boss quits after forced kiss. Michigan State football coach beats it after harassment and abuse charge. And we have to start rescheduling the tennis tournaments: it'll be 147 degrees at the Aussie by 2050. (32:13) THE WORST PERSONS IN THE WORLD: Sean Spicer's amazing Freudian slip about GOP candidates. Elon Musk says his Neuralinks don't kill monkeys. They only kill terminally ILL monkeys. And Greg Gutfeld demands doxing of all leftist protestors.

C-Block (38:10) THINGS I PROMISED NOT TO TELL: 22 years after 9/11 and the names I remember: Tomas Reyes, Mike Tanner, so many others. And what is finally becoming clear and horrible: the straight flashing line from that awful day to this awful day and the rise of hateful, blind fascism personified by Trump.

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