Is He Writing His Own Petition?

He had resolved to take his own defence am which ly, maybe we should just talk about how to interpret that. But so he resolves to do that, but now he is doubting whether he's up to it,. intellectually, he has his wits about him enough to be able to mount a successful defence. So that this is one of the things that makes him like oh god, i'm a mess, rightow? And it's even weird. At some point, i think it says that he starts to write his own petition, like he spends some time working on it. We're never quite clear what goes into that petition though. What, like, what is he even saying