Many gatherings suffer from a purpose confusion, because we assume that a category is a purpose. The first thing i always say, and i try to do this myself, is to actually pause and say, why do you want to have a birthday party? Or what is it that you need in your life right now, and how might a gathering serve that? And so one of the things that happens when we skip a purpose is that we assume a specific form for a gathering, without about what we actually need. So part of thinking about a a purposeful wedding is to create a ritual that bot honors your past, but also reflects your values.