When we think of fairness and justice, we're talking about the felt sense. If I feel that what you did was unfair, in this system, all you have to care about is that I felt it was unfair. One person's yelling is another person's whisper. We're dealing with a whole different system of letting go of one sense ofrighteousness. Do you care about the other person in the relationship, or do you care about your own sense of what's right? That's really very different. And if we've argued over perception, not only do we never win that, nobody will ever win an argument over our perception. Or we decide to put our attention squarely on the relationship

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