6min chapter

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Gratitude and the Enneagram: Celebrating the Gifts of Each Type (S08-022)

Typology

CHAPTER

Nurturing Self and Others: Insights on Enneagram Types Three and Four

This chapter explores the vital connection between self-care and the ability to give, focusing on the unique qualities of Enneagram Types Three and Four. It discusses Threes’ external motivations and Fours’ embrace of vulnerability, highlighting how both types facilitate growth and transformation in themselves and others.

00:00
Speaker 1
Because it's a big idea. The more they give to themselves, the more they enjoy giving to others. Okay. And, you know, if you do the inverse, it's not a good equation. Right. Right. Right. And I just think it's the nature of the spiritual universe sometimes, you know. It's like these paradoxes exist. Yeah. And because you think it was the inverse, right? The more they enjoy giving to others, the more they enjoy giving to themselves. And that's just not the case.
Speaker 2
The case,
Speaker 1
yeah. Right? Yeah. I just think that's a natural thing, right? The more they take care of themselves, the more pleasure they get from taking care of others. Yes, I love that. And they also have the right juice and motivation at that point. Yeah.
Speaker 2
All right, threes. Man,
Speaker 1
one of the things that people don't credit threes with as much as I think they should is for how inspiring they are. And they have this amazing ability to inspire people to do things that they really didn't know they could do. Yes. And they believe in other people. Yeah. And communicate their beliefs in other people in a way that moves them to do things they otherwise couldn't do, which is completely a wonderful gift that threes should be grateful they have.
Speaker 2
Oh, man. Again, we're talking about the healthy three, but I think a healthy three can put their finger on something special that someone has and help them get launched. Oh, yeah.
Speaker 1
Yeah. Absolutely. So here's another one. Yeah. I think that obviously when they're healthy, threes suddenly become inwardly rather than outwardly motivated. Talk
Speaker 2
about that some more.
Speaker 1
Yeah. Well, you know, an unhealthy three tends to be concerned with externals rather than internals. Right? Right. They tend to present. Or we oftentimes say they're more concerned with how they seem rather than about how they are.
Speaker 2
Yeah. So how they're perceived.
Speaker 1
How they're perceived. And I just think it's beautiful when you, and I'm very grateful when I meet a three who is inwardly rather than outwardly motivated. You can feel them operating from a deep place of conviction and security. They're secure in themselves. Makes me think of Maddie Jackson Selectman. Oh, yeah, right. Alan Jackson's daughter. Yeah. Like,
Speaker 2
she's a great example of someone who had done some work and like, wow, you're a three? You've
Speaker 1
got a couple of three hats like that. Yeah. You know, that were more inwardly motivated. Yeah. No, I think, and we kind of conflated this with another one, but they not only inspire people to do things, but I just love how they can put a spotlight on another person's gifts and says to them, do you see those?
Speaker 2
Do
Speaker 1
you see those? And do you see how powerful they could be? That's why, you know, if you can get a three who's a mentor in business, it's really great. Oh, yeah. You know, in New York, they call them, you know, who's your rabbi in business, you know? And do you want a rabbi who's like, you know, bringing you up the food chain with them, but it's kind of doing it with a hot, just a highlight on believing in you, not just inspiring, but believing in you. Right. That's a very powerful thing. All right. Let's talk about fours. Yeah. All right. Make me feel good right now. All right. Well, here's what fours can be grateful for. They should be grateful that they can look pain in the eye and find something better in it. Definitely. Right? Yeah. Four should be grateful that they can help other people find beauty and redemption in darkness and tragedy. Yeah. I love that. So it's not just creativity, right? It's the ability to stand in those weird spaces and help other people find redemption in tragedy yeah you know and just like
Speaker 2
beyond just like reframing you're talking about oh
Speaker 1
no it's not spinning or reframing yeah no this is a this is a this is like a genuinely like seeing well, here's how this can serve us in the world. Well, you think about Don McLean. This just came to me, right? Whatever. Don McLean's song, Starry, Starry Night, about Vincent Van Gogh. And it's a melancholy song. but it really reveals how, you know, Van Gogh's, you know, his suffering gave birth to this art that a hundred and some odd years later is still moving people and helping them make sense of their suffering.
Speaker 2
That's
Speaker 1
a very four thing to do. Yeah. think another thing is that fours should be grateful that they know how to be vulnerable about their own weaknesses and failures in order to help others. Fours will be very vulnerable. Like, I've really struggled with X and they'll say it in a public setting. It's really risky sharing in order to help others. It gives other people courage. And the ability to get in touch with their own, to help others know they're not alone. They're not alone. Feel seen. They feel seen, yeah, and connected. I love that. Yeah. Another thing they should be grateful for is that they help others see their suffering as a path to transformation. So it's not like, okay, let me just help you see redemption and beauty in tragedy. It's now it's a matter of, oh, by the way, your suffering is the source of your transformation. It's not arbitrary. It means something. You're suffering in the context of the larger story of God. It's not void of meaning. And it can help you experience transformation on a level that there's nothing deeper, you know? Like
Speaker 2
suffering is the doorway to certain types of transformation that nothing else will take you there.

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