Mismatches: what you said vs. what they heard

How is it possible to be confident in every other area of your life, but lose your footing the second a conversation gets difficult?

In this episode of Habits & Hustle, I sit down with Jefferson Fisher, a former trial lawyer, bestselling author, and one of the most respected communication voices online, to talk about how to argue less and actually connect more.

We talk about what intentional communication actually looks like in real life and why so many people slip into defensiveness instead of clarity. Jefferson breaks down the small but powerful adjustments that change everything in a hard conversation, from slowing your tone to asking questions that defuse tension instead of escalating it. He also explains why trying to “win” is the quickest way to damage trust, and how a calm, grounded “no” can communicate confidence without conflict.

If you often leave conversations feeling misunderstood or emotionally drained, this episode will feel like a reset. We go deeper into how to structure a discussion so no one spirals, how to navigate people with low emotional awareness, and how to keep your composure even when your instinct is to react fast.

Jefferson Fisher has helped millions of people communicate with more clarity and less conflict through his signature approach to calm, intentional dialogue. His first book, The Next Conversation, became a New York Times bestseller, and his content has reshaped how people navigate arguments, boundaries, and connection in everyday life.

What We Discuss:

• (06:09) When what you said does not match what they heard

• (09:17) Slowing your tone to calm the conversation

• (13:58) “Nice” vs. “Kind” and why the difference matters

• (21:14) How to say “no” without guilt or excuses

• (27:26) Using frames to start hard conversations

• (36:41) Handling people with low emotional intelligence

• (51:57) Cutting weak language to sound more confident

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Find more from Jen: 

Website: https://www.jennifercohen.com/

Instagram: @therealjencohen  

Books: https://www.jennifercohen.com/books

Speaking: https://www.jennifercohen.com/speaking-engagement

Find more from Jefferson Fisher:

Instagram: @jefferson_fisher

TikTok: @justaskjefferson

Youtube: @jeffersonfisher

Facebook: @justaskjefferson

X: @jefferson_fishr