The lights dim. The murmuring crowd nibbles subpar soft pretzels anxiously. The Sounds Like a Cult theme music begins to blare at ear-splitting volumes, pyrotechnics nearly blinding an old lady caught in the front of the mob as a spandex-clad (think Barbie meets Barbarella) Reese Oliver steps into the ring to tackle her biggest opponent yet: The Cult of the WWE. *DINGDINGDING* This time, Reese is flying solo— no tag team parter— but the glitzy world of WWE is too flashy, mythical, and impressively immersive to knock out alone. Joining her is James Bryant (of the YouTube investigative commentary duo Fundie Fridays) to help demystify: the sacred chants, fak- *ahem* scripted storylines, and secret right wing ties lying beneath the sequins that characterize this cult. If you’ve never watched wrestling, the inherent culty nature of WWE might not occur to you at first glance, but we invite you to ponder…Why are toddlers and senior citizens alike crying about John Cena in 2025? Is wrestling fandom culture ripe with toxic masculinity, or a healthy expressive outlet for unironic passion? Why does WWE’s storytelling feel less like sports *yawn* and more like a shared religious experience? Is Vince McMahon’s empire the ultimate cult of spectacle, or just capitalism in a sparkly Lucha mask? And wtf is his wife doing in the white house? Tag someone who smells what The Rock is cooking—this one’s a steel chair straight to the dome.

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