Choosing Who to Forgive First

Explore a gentle practice for releasing resentment and finding freedom through forgiveness.

How To Do This Practice: 

1. Prepare Your Space and Body: Find a quiet, safe place to sit and take slow, grounding breaths. Notice any tension in your body and gently release it with each exhale.
2. Identify Who You’re Ready to Forgive: Bring to mind two or three people who have hurt you, and start with the one whose actions feel least painful. Reflect on how this hurt still affects your emotions and body.
3. Acknowledge the Hurt: Recognize what happened and how it impacted your life, trust, or well-being. Allow yourself to feel the pain without judgment.
4. Seek to Understand (Without Excusing): Consider what struggles or past hurts might have influenced the other person’s behavior. This step is about seeing their humanity, not condoning their actions.
5. Make the Choice to Forgive: When you feel ready, make an inner decision to release resentment and let go of the burden it carries. Offer kindness, respect, or simply your intention to move forward.
6. Reflect and Offer Yourself Compassion: Notice any small sense of softening or relief, and honor where you are in the process. End by thanking yourself for taking a step toward healing.

Scroll down for a transcription of this episode.

Today’s Happiness Break Guide: 

DACHER KELTNER is the host of The Science of Happiness podcast and is a co-instructor of the Greater Good Science Center’s popular online course of the same name. He’s also a professor of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley.

Related Happiness Break episodes:

A Science-Backed Path to Self-Forgiveness: https://tinyurl.com/yh2a5urt

A Note to Self on Forgiveness: https://tinyurl.com/y53tkn87

Make Uncertainty Part of the Process: https://tinyurl.com/234u5ds7

Related Science of Happiness episodes:

Nine Steps to Forgiveness: https://tinyurl.com/vb7kk5ky

The Science of Letting Go: https://tinyurl.com/566t8udf

The Contagious Power of Compassion: https://tinyurl.com/3x7w2s5s

This episode was supported by a generous grant from the Templeton World Charity Foundation as part of a Greater Good Science Center project on "Putting the Science of Forgiveness into Practice."

We’d love to hear about your experience with this practice! Share your thoughts at happinesspod@berkeley.edu or use the hashtag #happinesspod.

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Transcription: https://tinyurl.com/trnz9x8n