The Psychology of Revenge

In this episode, I talk with Raymond DiGiuseppe, Professor of Psychology at St. John’s University and Director of Professional Education at the Albert Ellis Institute. Professor DiGiuseppe is a renowned figure in the field of cognitive-behavioral therapy, particularly Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). He’s also done extensive work on anger. This is a special episode in which we take a deep dive into the Stoic anger management strategies described in the Meditations of Marcus Aurelius. How valuable are these ancient strategies when viewed from the perspective of modern evidence-based psychotherapy.

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Highlights

* The Stoic theory of anger as a “desire for revenge”

* Avoid mind-reading: “[When getting offended:] remember that you can’t be sure that they are doing wrong, because many actions serve some other purpose. Generally speaking, a great deal of experience is needed before one can confidently express an opinion about what someone else is doing.”

* Consider the whole character: “Remember how they behave while eating, while reclining on their couches, and so on, and most importantly how their beliefs leave them no choice, and how they pride themselves on what they do.”

* Attribute actions to ignorance rather than malice: “For no soul is voluntarily deprived of the truth and by the same token no soul is voluntarily deprived of the ability to [judge the worth of things properly]. Indeed, people don’t like to be called unjust, discourteous, and avaricious, or, in general, to be thought of as someone likely to wrong their neighbors.”

* Contemplate impermanence: “When you’re too angry or impatient, remember that human life is fleeting and before long all of us will have been laid to rest.”

* Cognitive distancing: “Remember that it is not people’s actions that disturb us (because their actions are [their own business]), but our opinions of their actions. At any rate, eliminate the judgment that they’re doing something hurtful, and be willing to let go of it, and anger comes to an end.”

* Anger does us more harm than the things we’re angry about: “Remember that we suffer more from getting angry and upset about such things than we do from the things themselves.”

* Kindness and other virtues can replace anger: “Remember that kindness is unconquerable if it’s genuine, not phony or feigned. After all, what can even the most abusive person in the world do to you if you keep on being kind to him and, if the opportunity arises, gently offer him advice and take the time to show him the error of his ways right when he’s trying to do you harm?”

* Recognize your own flaws: “Remember that you yourself often do wrong and are no better than them. Even if you refrain from certain kinds of transgressions, you still have the capacity to commit them.”

* Do not demand perfection from others: “[And you can accept a tenth gift, from Apollo, the Leader of the Muses:] the proposition that it’s insanity to expect flawed men never to do wrong, because that would be desiring the impossible..”

* Remember, nature gave you the potential to overcome anger and conflict: “First, remember the various kinds of relationship I have with [others]: we were born to help one another.”

* Are there other relevant attitudes that Marcus Aurelius doesn’t mention?

Links

* Profile at St John’s University

* Profile at the Albert Ellis Institute

* Google Scholar Profile

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