On Ask Kati Anything podcast ep. 208, licensed therapist Kati Morton explains how we can get past the feeling that our relationship with our therapist is “fake,” how to support our students without being triggered ourselves, and how to know if we are retraumatizing ourselves. She then explains how we can know if we are a narcissist, what it means to process our emotions, and what we can do if we are ashamed of our life. Audience questions: 1. How do I get past the feeling that the relationship with my therapist is “fake”? I have heard you say that you should feel ‘validated’ and ‘seen’ by your therapist, but I can’t get past the fact that the only reason she is talking to me is because I am paying her. Maybe this is my ‘child of emotional neglect’ talking, but the idea that anyone is interested in helping me is very alien but that doesn’t change the fact that my therapist isn’t my friend, never will be, and wouldn’t choose to talk to me if I didn’t hand over a lot of money. What am I missing? 01:11 2. I work at a school as a teacher and I also work for the before and after program. I do a lot at the school. I work with a lot of different types of students. When I was a little kid I had a lot of trauma. When any kid comes to school with a bruise I think the worse. Sometimes it’s hard for me to see the kiddos cry. Some of the kids do come from rough backgrounds. They tell me things like no one loves me and cares about me. I try my best to let them know I care without crossing the student teacher boundaries. When I get home I just cry because I feel so little all over again. Because I know how they feel. My question is how do I show my students that I care without emotionally hurting myself or triggering myself. 12:26

11:01 ATTACHMENT WORKSHOP 3. How do I know if I am retraumatizing myself? (As an add-on comment: my ED was related to trauma. I worked and thought I did overcome the problem with eating. When my eating disorder suddenly came back, I wondered if this could be a sign of being retraumatized? 20:26 4. How do I know if I am narcissistic? And what is real empathy? 25:17 5. I have a question about processing emotions, feeling them and moving through them. How much is too much, and how much is not enough? And mainly, how does this change when it comes to processing something big like grief? I lost two people very close to me recently. I always try to stuff down emotions and don’t want to feel them, so I’m trying really hard to notice and feel them with this because I know it’s healthy and I need to. Sometimes it’s constant and it’s wayyy too much for me to handle and sometimes it’s nothing. What’s a healthy amount of emotion? 27:58 Hi Kati, what can I do if I feel ashamed of my life? Ashamed of what happened to me, ashamed of how much it affects me today and how little the events really were... I'm so desperate about everything that isn't working anymore and everything I would so deeply wish but can't do anymore.... And the pressure from others that I should functionate again is immense. How can I come out of this "being ashamed of my life"? 38:55 My books: Traumatized https://geni.us/Bfak0j Are u ok? http://bit.ly/2s0mULy Online therapy: While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist, please visit: https://betterhelp.com/kati Patreon: https://www.katimorton.com/kati-morton-patreon/ YOU CAN SUPPORT THIS CHANNEL BY SHOPPING WITH OUR AFFILIATE LINKS Instacart: https://instacart.oloiyb.net/y2j2GB Amazon: https://geni.us/4J8wb Partnerships: Linnea Toney linnea@underscoretalent.com Please read: If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.