It does, it does fade quickly. It does fade very quickly. You get the reminder of memento mori, that life is short, that you're not in control, that you're a passenger. Someone could write you out of the play at any moment, but then our sort of natural ego and self-centeredness and comfort, it creeps back in pretty fast.

Yeah. I mean, you know, we and I've talked about I'm working on defining and understanding and believing and trying to communicate that I actually think that when we do have that sobriety we're talking about, of what's important in our life and how to take care of it and what are we going to do going forward, that that is actually more self-centered. Yeah. That that is actually really self Now we're talking self-centered. Yes. That's what we're talking about. Because what you're talking about, we do, we live that way and care for those things that we love that much more. Take those certain risks to maybe become what we're like. We're just a little afraid to do that yeah we're ultimately serving ourself in the future we've talked about that and to let you know um which is a religious experience religion right i mean right and in your and ultimately that would be inversely yeah from the out, the most self-centered things to do, the most selfish thing you could do for yourself and others. And I'm really working on my pastor says I pushed a big rock up a steep hill on this one. I'm really working on. I just I believe there's a truth that actually the most selfish, truly selfish, not in the definition, the Webster's, we run around with it today. The most truly selfish acts and people we can be are actually simultaneously being the most selfless. And then the reciprocity starts and it starts to feed us back and serve and again i don't think you get rid of that ego i think you actually the really healthy ego is is in is is part and parcel with that service with those with with that caring for that which we love the most including ourselves

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Yeah, I don't, I don't, yeah, I don't, I don't believe we are.