i think there's an qutoptable amount of grief. You dont want ave at rue in your life, never live again because you've lost a loved one. But you also don't want to pretend it was no big deal. Your child dies, you should be ripped apart. It's what it's what the relationship wat the person deserves. I'm very sceptical about unchosen suffering. But i think some sort of suffering that you did not choose jus comes upon you. And so i think suffering is in some way just you.