Yeah, speaking of mama,

you look like the mom from the Goonies. Yeah. That's a compliment. That's a great part.

It is incredible. You look like such a character. You're built for comedy. How long you been doing it? Going on six years. Six years. Okay. Where at? Where exactly? What fucking new? Columbus, Ohio. Columbus, Ohio. Holy shit. Did you ever walk by a bar and see Tony Hinchcliffe? Very good. So Columbus,

Ohio, you still live there? I actually live in Kingston, Ohio. Oh, okay. Which is about an hour south of Columbus.

Kingston?

Yeah. Neil

Chillicothe. I know you're from Youngstown. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, gee, I love your delivery system. This is absolutely incredible. You're such a likable guy. How do you make a living? I'm

retired currently. What are you retired from? I practiced medicine for 27 years. You were a doctor? Yes, I was. Oh, my God. Can you fucking

imagine? Wait. Can you fucking imagine? Wait.

Are you going to face your own pocket? And he's coming in and telling you, God, you're going to do it. All right. Here's

the scene. All right. I just got a... My whole system just got overloaded. I'm so glad you're here right now. I love you, Tony.

Here we go. Hold on. We're the patients. You got to tell us that we both got AIDS, okay? Red

Baron hit me with some hospital music. There's no real hospital music. Okay, here we go. All right, very good. Thank you. Okay, hello, doctor. Yes, we've been waiting for your arrival. It's been a long wait, by the way. Me and my husband. I know, it sucks. Oh, God, gee, this is not good. This is not good.

Okay. You're a doctor? Are you the only doctor? I'm it. Yeah, you're fucked. Oh, my God. What do we have? You

have AIDS, motherfucker. Oh, shit. Oh, my God. This is willy, willy bad news.

Oh,

my. Good. Can you say that to all folks for me? All folks for

you? Huh? What?

Can you? Never mind. Yeah.

Okay. Loony

to his reference.

So, Frank, you were like a general doctor? Yeah, family fact. So you were Dr. Frank de Mint. That's correct. Holy shit, that is incredible. Did you always have your hair like that and facial hair? No, no, no. This is more of a retired look. Yeah. Were you ever married? You ever have kids? Married twice. Married twice. Okay. No kids. No kids. Why do you think that is? How do you think you ended up being so lucky to not have kids? I don't know. Hopefully I'm infertile. That's the hope. A guy like you, I would totally have expected you to spread your seed. I love how you roll with everything. You have a great sense of humor. So six years you've been doing it, based out of Columbus, Ohio. So you've been doing the Funny Bone? Yeah. Right, and other places. Yeah. What do you do for fun? What does a retired doctor do for fun?

Actually, just the comedy is most of my fun. Let me ask you this. You had two

wives. How did the first one end? You cheat on her?

No. Okay, what happened? Well, it was one of those things. She was a high school dropout and I was a college dropout. And I grew and she didn't. How were you a

doctor and a college dropout? Well,

at the time. I'm not... At the time. Then I went to college. I went to the army and then I went to college. Okay. What the fuck did you do in the army? I was a medical lab tech. Wow. Yeah. Absolutely. They asked me to go into linguistics, but I said, well, I'm not fucking this language up

bad enough. You need me to fuck up another one? Always kind of had a speech impediment? All my life. Where do you think that comes from? How does that happen? You were a former doctor. Where do you think how does that even happen? I

have no idea. I don't know of any trauma, but I understand my father sounded like this, but he grew out of it and I didn't. Wow.

How old are you? His father hit him. And your dad didn't want to do that to you. How old are you, Frank? 66. What a terrible

age for a guy with your speech. Literally the worst year for you. 600 and 66. In six days, I turn 77. Jesus Christ almighty. That thing is aggressive. Just

lie about your age next time. You're 42.

Way over

50.

Is there one word that if people bring up in a sentence or they ask you a question, do you ever get in your head and you go, fuck, I don't want to say that? You seem like a pretty confident, fearless guy, which I dig.

Yeah,

well, there's sort of three words that people don't understand. Full world and whale. I

have no idea what's going on right now.

I think you just put a curse on me.

What the fuck did you just say? You

say whale, forward and whale? Whale. Whale. And the problem is I like my steak medium whale. Oh,

my God.

Oh, my

God. You know, if I were the waiter, I think you would say, I heard you say you like your steak medium whale. Yeah, that's

what they usually say. You want that whale done? I say, no, I don't want shoe leather. I want it wet in the middle, but that didn't help much either, did it? Do you have like a long tongue or something like that? I'm trying to figure this out. I don't know. I started eating pussy at the age of 13, though. Oh,

hell yeah. Absolutely incredible. And I think my tongue became a little muscle-bound. Okay. did people tell you you were good at it? Did the ladies... Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. You can lick it, just don't say it.

Wow.

Wow. Great.

I'm taking that catchphrase. Incredible.

So the second marriage, how did that end? Uh,

I keyed it on her. Oh, my God. Can you look at the other women's faces?

Just like, how the fuck is that possible?

Wait, please tell me you sat her down and you go, so look, you're about to experience a little bit of tuama.

I've

been eating another pussy. The

glass is always guino. I've been fucking my speech therapist.

Do you have, like, extra teeth? Or, like, is it, like, what's the tongue thing? It's the tongue, yeah. So your dad grew out of it. How did he grow out of it? I don't know. Most people grow out of this.

So do you think a lot of your patients back in the day always got a second opinion? Like, I mean, it seems very risky putting their lives in your hands. You just being like, your blood was not good. I think we need to stop tweeting. I mean, it's, incredible. It's amazing the life that you had. So you saved enough money from being a doctor. For how long were you a doctor? 27 years. 27 years.

Thank you for your service.

And you saved enough money to be able to just live your dreams and do whatever you want in comedy, basically. More or less. Yeah.

Yeah, you own a house?

Yes. And you have a car? Yes. What kind of car do you have? I

have a Hyundai Ionics. Yeah. I'm

a cheap bastard. Okay. All right. What's the nicest thing you've ever bought for yourself? I had a Mercedes once. Ooh. What ended up happening with that?

I had some economical situations. I had to sell it. Would that be the divorce? And I'm glad. I'm glad. I mean, it was a pain in the butt. It was always expensive to do upkeep on it. Yes. Yes. Parts

on Mercedes are expensive. Did you get killed in the divorce?

Did you get killed in the divorces? No. Financially? Well, the first one. Second one, I have a prenup. Nothing better. Yeah, you learn,

man.

You learn. That prenup is critical. You

know, I'm actually looking for a new doctor, and I I'm serious. I would love if you would step in I don't know what you charge, what your rates are Is it a copay, but can I just text you? It's a lot of things of like Is this bad? There'll be a spot on my cock and I'll be like, hey, is

this? Anytime You know what I think we should do? I think you guys should go behind that curtain I think you should check your prostate right now How does that sound? Look at that finger. Do that again. Look at that. Oh my God. All right. Well, I don't know. Yeah, get back there. And then, uh, uh, Tony, if you want to stick your face out of the curtain while he does it, you can feel free to do that. Tony? Oh. Yep. They might be making love by this point. I don't know what's happening. This may have been a crazy idea. Oh, there it is. Okay. Here we go. Whenever you're ready. Tony says, whenever you're ready. Let's see. I think we're probably... Oh, okay. Okay, come back out, Frank. Okay. He's so adorable. He almost stayed back there.

I'm not even joking. He put a little bit of his finger on my butt. I wish I was joking. I thought that was a bit, but he actually put a finger in between my legs. Nobody could see him, yet he's still committed to the bit. Give it up for this guy. That was... Wow. Absolutely. I'm going to need a new pair of pants and a new doctor.

Frank, you are a fucking little angel. Welcome to the Kill Tony universe. You are absolutely going to be loved by the people. When you came out, I thought this guy looks silly as hell. We're going to have a lot of fun talking to him, but the comedy is probably not going to be there. And boy, you absolutely crushed the room. I loved it. You are as funny as you look. You are as funny as you sound. I love how you make fun of yourself and laugh at the jokes. Welcome, welcome. Come back. Sign up again. All different shapes and sizes of people here. Absolutely anything can happen. We pull names out of a bucket, and that is where we find all of our regulars. We're out here changing lives, giving people an opportunity. Like your next comedian, who is one of the top regulars in the history of the show. Ladies and gentlemen, here with a brand new minute, this is the great and powerful Cam Patterson, everybody.

Uh, that's the only guy on earth that sound worse than me. That nigga... That nigga talked it terrible. That was horrible, dog. And I just said... And I just said talked it. So that's how I feel about it. I got a new girlfriend now. That's the dumbest shit I ever did in my life. Don't root for that. Pretty stupid. I got... My girlfriend, she pretty. That's a problem. I hate that. I only dated ugly girls by design before. Because I like ugly women. Because you can mold an ugly bitch. To wherever you want them to be. What, they gonna leave you? Where you gonna go, dude? You stuck with me forever. We locked in for life. You ugly whore. I love you, though. You feel me? Because a bad bitch, she know her word for ugly bitch. Not gonna go nowhere. I had an ugly bitch one time. I miss her so much. And we had, I miss her a lot, dog. I mean, we was all eating food with my homeboys and shit, with all their girlfriends and shit like that. And they had me a little real dude. Ah, look. But the best thing about it is all my homeboys' girlfriends got their food before we did, right? And they started eating. But my ugly bitch ain't eat. She waited till I got my food. And then my homeboy was like, nigga, she well-trained. And I was like, yeah. And then I found out her boyfriend used to beat her. Thank that man. That's her. That's a good guy. I appreciate him for that. Now listen, some of y'all didn't clap or laugh at that. You look very sad about that, man. I'm understanding something. I'm not saying I would have hit her, but I'm thankful that somebody did, right? And that's my time. Fuck

yeah. Bing, bang, boom. Cam Patterson. Another new minute and a half. Oh, shit. Okay, hell yeah. I love it. The full fucking thing. You've done it again. Not easy to do a new minute every single week. This shit's

tough. It

really is. This shit's tough to hear. I hear all the time about, you know, we're doing stand-up all the other nights of the week. And you hear, like, oh, it was just a da-da Cam had a great set. Cam was here. Cam was there. Ari's here. Ari's there. Everybody's working hard. Always writing. It's incredible what we're doing here. And to see you do it, it's insane. Right? Hell yeah. Hell yeah. How's things been going?

It's been good, man. Life's been pretty cool, man. Shit been dope. I just did a Deion Sanders show on Tubi. My dad really excited about that. Hell yeah.

Hell yeah. Prime time? Yeah, hell

yeah. was it it was dope he was cool as man deon

sanders the man he's

a good dude man that's just a fun show is it stand up or no it's like a talk show it was cool to find that been on like real tv and shit they had gave me like makeup that felt gay i ain't like that at all whoa whoa not gay nothing i mean look look i'm cool with the gays look at that wearing

makeup is just just fine no

no makeup pretty gay man does makeup work on you what kind of what the that mean right man yeah what exactly what does that mean

at all exactly did they do huh what exactly did they do what kind of makeup do they have they had

regular they just they the old lady came in and did to my face what was it what color was the what don't know. I didn't ask no questions. You

didn't look? I didn't want to know. I didn't want to know at all. She probably put powder on you because you look like you were baptized in Hennessy. You know what I'm saying? You got to just dab it up and clean you up a little bit. You're an attractive guy. What

the fuck that even mean, man? I

don't know.

This is what he looked like before the makeup.

He going to a funeral? Where he going? Who died, man? He is. Who the fuck is dressing D-Madness, man? I

love it.

You got on a turtle suit, nigga. You know that? He's got a bolo on tonight. It's fun.

It's fun seeing what D Madness wears. It's fun getting to tell D Madness what he's wearing tonight. It's the only person you get to break the news to. You won't believe this shit, nigga. You dressed for a prince's funeral, nigga. This shit is crazy. A style king. We bust his balls a lot, but meanwhile, he is weakly the best-dressed band member on the show. You would think they're all blind, but no. They just don't fucking. Michael Gonzalez has been wearing a fucking upside-down nacho bowl for the last year. No one's talking about it. The old family tortilla over there, the fucking guy. Absolutely incredible. So, Cam, you hung out with Deion Sanders. So you're going to be at some, like, Colorado games? I went

to one a couple months ago. Yeah, when I was playing and shit. That shit was dope.

Yeah. I would have noticed you, but everybody on the sideline looks exactly like you.

I had a Colorado shirt on, and everybody thought I was a recruit. Yeah. And I would line my ass up, too. I'm going, yeah, yeah. Who knew I might come for sure? Hell, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, line like shit. Now, I don't want this to sound racist, but... OK, wait a minute. That's a terrible start. I know. That's one of the worst starts in America. Well aware of that. But is there

like a... Deion Sanders is known for being a flashy, flair-filled guy, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So is there like a cool... Like, did he do a really cool black handshake that even threw you off? Do you know what I'm saying? That's a good

question. Was

the handshake complex? Now

we both from Florida, so we got the same shit. We both from Florida, so it's like, you know what I'm saying? Can you air show us what a handshake with Deion Sanders.

Can he do it? That fucking guy can't do it. He can probably do it. A white guy in sunglasses. Why do you have sunglasses on right now? You could do it.

Fuck wrong with you, nigga. And

you're looking at your wife like, you better not know how

to do it. Oh, no, look, look.

Go to the Puerto Rican with the gold grill over here. Here he is. Oh, oh, oh, that's it.

See, come on.

Tony Caruso has

a better handshake than he. I can show you a blacker handshake than that. Yeah, let's go. Come on, Tony. Ladies and gentlemen. No, play some cool rap music for me. Come on. Give him a good, yeah. So let's say I walk into like a black nightclub, right? Which I love, by the way. I love. Because you're usually there to make some arrests of some kind?

What are you doing? I'm

usually looking for some big, fat, black pussy, Tony, but... Which

is my

website, big, fat, black pussy, backslash Tony Caruso. So let's say I walk into the club, and I go, Cam, good to see you. Yo.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Whoa. Oh, up top, down low. And the reverse. Fist bump, fist bump. Criss cross. Double piece. Work in the rib section. Oh, and then in. Oh, yeah, there it is. Hell yeah. Wow. Wow. Absolutely. And then I call him the N-word.