Exploring Horror, Pleasure, and Queer Relationships

Join Malcolm and Simone in an exploratory episode as they delve into the life experiences of Anna Valence, a trans woman navigating through various social and sexual landscapes in New York City. This discussion is prompted by Valence's own candid writings on her blog, covering her struggles with self-validation, dating challenges, and the harsh realities of transitioning. Amidst addressing broader themes like societal expectations and the pitfalls of certain lifestyles, the episode also touches on controversial topics such as trans misogyny and the generational differences in accepting trans identities.

Hello Simone. I am excited to be here with you today, and this is an episode I have been dying to do literally

every day.

You're like, I wish we could record this now. This is, yeah. But

we've had a reporter at our house every day for the past three days at two German groups. One a Japanese team. Yeah. And then we also had the Steve Truly Show it's got like, you know, million subscribers. So I had to do that and, and then before that it was the cruise.

So it's been so long, but it's given me so much time to research this topic because of this. Yes. So we are going to diving in to the daily life of. Valence.

you were an interesting study. Must, greed, deception, fertile ground, but rather mundane.

This is the individual who attempted to cancel the YouTuber Kirsha.

Ah, yes. Who

is a a v YouTuber. We have another episode on that if you wanna see that.

That is not what we are adjudicating here. That is not what we are talking about here. This isn't even really an episode designed to dunk on this reporter, Anna Valence. This is an episode that is designed to look at what happens and what the daily life of somebody who is bought in to all of the urban Monocultures, indulgences looks like when they hit their mid thirties.

Hmm.

What is the payout from all of this? You know, if you go with the lifestyle that we promote, you'd have a job that contributes to your community. You'd have a bunch of kids. You'd be, as we say, living the end of Gladiator.

And I think a lot of people when we say things like, look I don't think that we should go out there , and make trans people feel bad about the choices that they've made.

But I do think it's important to do things like bring up, well, what actually happens if you go all in with this lifestyle? Yeah. Where actually does that leave you? Because if you look at the celebrities who promote it, they're typically people who are beginning their journey within this lifestyle.

Mm-hmm. It's, it's the before and I just decided to do this. It's not the, I've been doing this for 20 years and here's what happened to me after that. Right.

Once upon a time, there was a fox and he was called Jerome One day, he found a copy of Cheekbone Magazine. And he read an article about London life.

three weeks later, he was off his tiny face in a gay club. But the party lifestyle took its toll. Eventually he ended up on the streets, begging for cheese and Alston.

And what's great about valence is you get that. Mm-hmm. And valence falls into the, and this is where I'd say we are not against, you know, your average trans person.

Right. Do what you want. Right. We do strongly recommend against the Cine Byte lifestyle. And I'll explain. You need to

break it down because I've, this was never heard of it before.

Yeah,

Doors to the pleasures of heaven nor hell. I didn't care, which I thought I'd gone to the limits I hadn't. The center bytes gave me an experience beyond the limits pain and pleasure.

Indivisible.

so there was a famous horror franchise in the 1980s called Hell Raiser. It's where the character Pinhead is from.

Explorers in the further regions of experience, demons to some angels, to others. We came now you must come with us. Taste our pleasures please. Girl. Go away live. Oh, no tears, please. A waste of good suffering.

This is the guy, if you have seen him, the horror guy with a bunch of pins all in his head. I, this was a world where if you had looked at other eighties horror franchises at the time the killers were often stereotypes of, you know, hillbillies or they were stupid or they were just crazy, right?

Mm-hmm. Whereas they wanted to make a cunning and meticulous. Horror villain but who is still totally horrifying, right? And so the Cina bytes were people who went to another dimension, a hell dimension where they lived lives dedicated to exploring the furthest reaches of pleasure and experience and pain.

And as they just kept indulging in pleasure, and pleasure and pleasure, they begin to desensitize to it. And so they begin to look for new ways to feel pleasure or anything at that point. You can think of them if you're more familiar with the Warhammer 40 K. These are Chy cultus. They begin, you know, ripping off their skin.

They begin putting hooks in themselves. They begin putting nails in their heads and. It's not, you know, when you're warning somebody against the villains in this franchise, right? You will have an individual with like a, the puzzle box that summons them and they're like, I want a pleasure. This, they say they'll give me pleasure.

You know, and, and people are like, well, yeah. I mean, they're not lying about that in the short term. But there is the long term to think about because eventually you become a cina byte. If you become the Cina bytes victim. They, they abduct people and bring them back to their realm when these people call them.

And in many ways, people can be like, why are you so worried about things like these book readings that are happening at schools?

And then the little fox went to the woods.

Why are you so worried about? It almost to me feels like, why are you so worried about like these centa bytes who are hanging around the school and occasionally abduct children and make them cena bytes?

And then the bear went over the mountains to see what he could see.

Like I worry about it because of the mental health effects. Okay.

Hmm.

And we've talked about those a hundred other times, but I wanna talk about the daily life. So let's talk about the daily life of Anna Valence from their own substack. All right.

And I'll be reading from this.

Okay.

A few months before the pandemic began, I went to a queer sex party with a fair mix of cis and trans women.

Normally, I find T four T is one of the most seamless sexual experiences I've ever had. That's when you hook up with another trans person as a trans person.

Sure.

The anxious dancing around the topic is gone. The uncertainty and fear of being too much isn't present. Trans fms tend to hook up with each other at lightning speeds, but something was a little different at this party.

The more I tried flirting with other trans girls, the more I picked up the vibe that a lot of the other dolls came to hook up with cis girls. This party served as an intersection where cis trans lesbians could meet, . And so hooking up with another trans girl was sort of missing the point.

The role expectations were changed due to the studying and the circumstances. So what the,

hold on. Cis trans lesbian. So it's a man who's into women and is trans.

Yeah. Right. It's, it's a, somebody who was born, A guy Yes. Who was into women, but is dressing up as a woman and wants lesbians to have sex with him.

Okay. Okay. Gotcha.

Gotcha. Thanks. Okay. A lot of people, like, they don't pressure themselves on lesbians. I mean, this is them saying this but, okay. But the change also called into question the very concept of T for T for me. Is TF four TF always T for T or is it sometimes T for T until I get my hands on some of that cis girl.

P this doesn't sound, sexual organs.

Okay.

And the, the, I I try to not use any curse words in this at all anymore. Or swear words. You could use the word vain. Vain, okay. I'll say that T for T until I get my hands on some of that cis girl vain. No, I mean this is this, this is them saying this.

They're saying trans women prefer universally in their experience, cis women to trans women as partners if they prefer female partners, which is saying. That from the perspective of a trans woman. Other trans women are less women or, or less, at least what they're interested in than cis women. Which then brings the question of why then do they have a problem when some cis lesbians say, I don't wanna date trans women.

Right. When even the trans women have a preference for cis lesbians.

Yeah. This, this is always something I wondered about. You know, how well-founded are all these lesbian complaints about trans women? That is NA men saying they're women entering their spaces. But this implies from the perspective of someone who is a needle man.

Who now identifies as a woman mm-hmm. Saying that so that this is, this is useful new information for me.

Yeah. And the ramifications of that answer have a terrible effect on both of you as well as the other trans fims you're hooking up with. Sexual roles and expectations tend to have a contagious effect.

And then dot dot, the first crack in the veneer for me, the thing that began the slow and gradual exposure of my real self was learning. I was ineffable. Aw. So what this story is going to focus on is this individual beginning to realize that the only people who willingly sleep with trans women are trans women.

And that they didn't want trans women as partners. And that they realized that. Nobody really wanted them except for the other people who no one else wanted to touch. That's lonely. It is lonely and sad. But it's important to highlight this from the perspective of somebody who is a, you know, a vice journalist and who ran another thing Like this is a fairly successful trans woman living in New York, right?

Like, this is supposedly what you want from life, right? Like, if, if you're taking this path, you have achieved everything. You've achieved the status, you would've achieved the nice city. And yet they still have nothing, nothing even from their own value perspective, even from their own community perspective.

And that's why Well, and

I appreciate this too. 'cause as you said earlier, most of us when exposed to transition stories are seeing the excitement, the hope, the finally I found in my community and not the Okay did, did happily ever after take place. And I think that this is, well, yeah, it's adding nuance to the equation.

Right when I was about to move, I started going to parties in Brooklyn Wee be parties where we could get all sloshed and high and dance to two thousands anime music and go home cross faded. It was casual and chill. Classic New York Millennial House party vibes. Fun, fun, fun. I was one of the only trans femmes at these parties, one of the two or three, but everyone treated me fine.

No one acted weird towards me, especially not the feminine, non-binary hang.

Everyone seemed happy to see me, enjoyed my presence. A floater who got to vibe and chill and joke and have fun. I felt like I fit right in. I finally found my people. And it sounds like a fun group right, as well. Yeah. Like, I'm just like, oh, it's like a Weeb anime group where they watch anime music and you know, et cetera.

Yeah. And, and of course they tolerate a trans person. Right. You know, then something changed. When I started introducing my cis girlfriends into the friend group. My friends got attention. I mean, I did too. But in the way you do when people like your jokes, these women, they got attraction attention. People came up to them to talk to them, to chat with them, seemed to spend a lot of time around them wanting something from them.

Oh, I soon realize they're trying to f them. Huh? That happens here. Whoa. That's never happened to me.

So what's happening is she found a community shot that she thought she liked and that she thought accepted her, but then realized that they did not want to have sex with her.

It's all performative.

Yeah. They, they accept her of her lifestyle, but they don't actually see her as a woman.

Well, and I, I think that's quite universal that there are, there are a lot of progressive people who will absolutely accept people's life choices, but that doesn't mean they're going to like, voluntarily have sex with those people.

You can't change your arousal patterns based on your politics.

Yeah. Which is, is sad. It's sad because these people, they wouldn't know this if they're just interacting with these communities. Mm-hmm. If they just go to one of these communities and they're like, okay, what do, like, are you guys cool with trans people?

They're like, yeah, if I'm a trans person, am I ever gonna be made fun of or made to feel bad about my choices? No. And so then they're like, ah, so. The lesbians are gonna date me in this community. And the answer is no. Yeah. That

promise was never made,

and that's an issue. No, we just said we wouldn't, but they misinterpreted that because they saw valid.

Yeah.

There's a assumption that they would also have relationships and fulfilling sex lives, right?

Yes. They saw this as they validation. And I should point out that while I don't think this individual totally passes, they, they, they sometimes pass, sometimes don't, they think they pass. So let's say this individual thinks they pass.

Right. The point I would make about this individual

mm-hmm.

Is one, this is an individual who didn't have bottom surgery. So, so keep that in mind that they're trying to get lesbians to sleep with somebody who has girl dick, girl Dick, as they would call it. Which to me is assault, but Okay. You know, they, they especially if you don't warn them first, but they you know This is them telling what it's like to be this type of individual. This isn't like some weird deformed person. This is , a normal looking trans individual. If any of saying somebody who, if they had stayed a man would be a fairly I'd, I'd say probably attractive man. Right? Like normal., I can't judge male attractiveness well, but I don't think that they would be like actively monstrous looking or anything like that.

They'd be able to find and secure a partner. And they gave that up in their quest for self validation. And I don't think what we're seeing here that they didn't realize that they were giving this up. This was not advertised to them on the, on the lid when they did this.

But I wanna, I wanna be clear that this is not.

A, a universally trans problem that like an area of the internet where I see this taking place way more than I see it taking place with trans individuals is with women who are taxi dering themselves with plastic surgery. Oh yeah. They're given the impression and the promise that if they get these procedures or use these skincare products, that they will be seen as desirable and often women who are no longer in their twenties are trying to look like they're 21 and it doesn't work.

Just like I think a lot of trans people. Are under the impression that they're going to look like women and people will be attracted to them. Like women, just like these older women are given this, this tale of, oh, you will look like a 21-year-old. You'll be attractive to people like a 21-year-old, and they simply aren't.

So this is a great,

that's a great analogy. I, I think is, is if you are somebody who is thinking about this mm-hmm. And you are having trouble modeling the way that other people will think of you internally. Mm-hmm. They will see you the way that you, maybe when you were in your twenties, would've saw a 40-year-old woman who had gotten a ton of, you know, I keep wanting to a lot of work, done me, done a lot of work done, and was trying to hit on 20-year-old guys, and is like, why don't you see me as a 20-year-old woman?

No, you can't pull this

off. It's, it, you just shouldn't try you. You're never going to be a 20 something girl anymore. And if you're a natal male, unless you a little, but hold on.

But they're, they're here saying. And this is what makes the analogy so perfect. They're like, but I see myself as a 20-year-old girl.

I, I see myself as young at heart. Yeah. And just

like these women do. Yeah. These women are like, well, I see myself as a desirable young woman. Yeah. I paid for

the procedure. I look approximately like one. Why can't you see me that way Uhhuh when I see myself this way? And it's like, well, other people don't work that way.

Hmm.

Alright. Then they go on to say this is one of their friends trying to explain this. I think it's because you're a lesbian. One of my cis girlfriends said, the guys there don't approach you because they know you're gay. Maybe I thought, but I didn't buy it. The guys at these parties, wait, so

she's mad.

Anna Valence is mad that guys aren't hitting on her, but she's, I. A lesbian trans woman?

Yes. She wants the validation. Alright, maybe I thought, but I didn't buy it. The guys at these parties weren't super woke. Just the regular kind, like, you know, faux woke pronouns and bio, but two white claws and they started acting strange.

They liked that. Having

pronouns in your bio doesn't make you woke enough. Okay?

If you liked what they saw, they would've made it a little more obvious. I kept hanging out, kept going to the party. But now I was curious. I paid a little closer attention, started listening a little more intensely to people's personal histories.

Keeping track of who dated whom and how it went down. A pattern emerged a pattern that I shall now call the weave a party rule. It pertains to guys dating girls and girls, dating guys and girls, dating girls, and all sorts of other things. The order of the rules formation, the weed party rule. First women mostly dated men.

Two second. If I brought a woman with me, they , were guaranteed to get attention from somebody there, usually men. So what they're saying here is as far as women, mostly dated men, and if a woman came who was new to the scene, people would hit on her. And that's true of any scene. If you bring a new woman, men are gonna hit on them.

Okay? Yeah. But what's interesting is if it was a trans woman, they wouldn't hit on them. Third queer women were likely to check out other women and gossip about being attracted to them. Ditto towards non-binary people. Fourth, the aforementioned rules only pertain to cis women in afab, non-binary Partygoers Fi.

Trans fms were welcome to engage in socializing, but dating was off limits.

These rules are complicated.

Basically what she's saying is what everybody knows about women at parties. If you are a, a, a cis woman and you go to a party, men are gonna hit on you. But if you are a trans woman and you go to a party, men are not going to hit on you.

And this to her was shocking. She didn't, she couldn't get it. That, that, even,

even if you show up female presenting, or at least attempting to be female, presenting at a party, by default, you are just gonna be. You know, like, like lost claim and lesbians

are gonna be in the same dating market that you're in, that if you hit on lesbians, they're gonna be into you.

Or that they're gonna be into other, but they weren't. And this was really to the fact that they were shocked by this shows that when they were given this product of transition, do this and these problems get fixed. It was not said. And no one will ever wanna date you again, who's not trans. But that was the, that was the 10, that was what they were getting.

Mm-hmm.

Like your market value will be significant. You might be able to get somebody to date you who's not trans, but they're gonna be significantly less attractive than who you would've gotten previously. And that was clearly something that came as a shock to them. And this is why it's important to go into this so we can better understand why we warn against this and where a lot of these self validation spirals can land a person even when they are relatively successful by this community's own standards.

Mm-hmm. The weeb party pieces started coming together. Cis women at these parties were mostly interested in cis men. Their queer desires were mostly reserved for cis women and non-binary people that they thought were a fb. So what they're saying here is cis women who were bisexual, were interested in women, people who were born, women who may present as a little like gender, whatever.

And cis women, but they were not at all interested in trans women. Even if they were also interested in men.

Yeah. Yeah. So

basically

the rules I into not trans people.

Yeah. And I can see why that would be shocking to somebody who thought, who doesn't understand how, yeah.

If you kind of look at it from a, a weird perspective, it seems unfair.

So you're into like, both, both, but you're not into, you're into men,

you're into women, but you're not into trans women and, and what I'm pointing out here recently. Yeah, yeah.

That you're, you're into each, but not both. What's up with that?

Well, because from the perspective of a normal person, you're just.

A, a mutilated person like this is not you, this is what I mean. You're like somebody with too much plastic surgery. Like that's the way that they see you. Even if they totally accept you is like that. You are not like somebody who's just choosing to present differently.

Mm-hmm.

And if you wanna say, well, this is a result of their transphobia. Well, it's obviously not, because if you remember the very first part of this article, she was talking about how she herself prefers cis women. And at parties where there are both cis and trans women, almost all of the trans women preferred cis women.

So this is not a phenomenon of individuals with transphobia. This is a universal phenomenon.

know for, because I, you know, went to Silicon Valley parties and stuff like that and saw who got dates, the guys who don't take hormones, but sometimes dressed in skirts and other like, gender non-conforming things.

They actually got dates. Okay. The trans women did not. And this is what she's also talking about with the gender queer women who they saw as afab. If you are a woman who just dresses Manish or like a man but otherwise isn't going on hormones, you will be highly desirable to this type of person.

Right.

Well I think because one shows the former where a guy just sometimes wears skirts, whatever, maybe a little bit ambiguous, that shows immense confidence. When you choose to undergo hormone therapy or start identifying with different pronouns, you are using appeals to authority and exogenous interventions.

That's what really good point, which that, that actually communicates a huge lack of confidence. And what is the sexiest thing in the world? Confidence.

Mm-hmm. No, you're right. We're, the trans identity as represented by chemical transition represents that I'm going to use our cultural norms to force you to see me in a certain way.

Yeah. That

I, I can't do this by myself. That I, I can't just dress like a woman. When I wanna dress like a woman or be ambiguous, I'm going to use, I, I'm not strong enough to do it by myself, so I'm gonna use societal norms to enforce this, and I'm going, oh, and or I'm going to use surgery and or chemicals to enforce this.

Yeah. I don't have it on my own.

This in chemicals communities where people are putting like na pronouns in their bias. This is not a hostile community. Right. Yeah, sure. That's interesting. Meanwhile, men did not approach trans women for sex or dating, but men did approach cis women and non-binary afab people for sure.

And while cis women tended to ale other cis women, and by extension force afab, non-binary individuals into the cis women box, they didn't seem to have much interest with trans femmes. Now this, this is, what this does say to me is if like one of our kids was like, desperately like, I want to be trans, I'd be like, genuinely it seems buy the data.

If you just decide to be a cross dresser, you'll have a better life. Like that's sort of what this is, is suggesting here which is something that I had seen, but it didn't click for me. Before. It was like all the cis men and women were interested in all other cis women and cis men and anyone they perceived.

To be cis unconsciously. Oh, no. I thought to myself, I don't think I fit in. I don't think I fit in at all. And there's a, a picture of her where she's like, we party era. Anna was all about trying to look attractive, but dykey, it was nice, but not fully. Me either.

When

I first,

I feel really bad for her, right?

Like she's going through this. No, when I was reading this stuff, I was like, this, these awkward phases. She just wants to be loved. She just wants to be accepted. She was promised that Bill wants,

that's not exactly the same thing. Okay.

I still feel bad. I, I want people to get what they think they're getting.

And I do think she was sold a bill of false goods. I think that she was lied to by society about what was gonna happen when she pursued this course of action.

Oh no, I completely agree. I mean, this is what you see with all of her anger about her lewd tubing career, not taking off with the agencies. If you watch her other video on it, this whole thing that she started was at least in part over the fact that a lewd tubing agency didn't wanna hire trans lude tubers because they said that nobody wants to watch them, basically.

Which I I guess just when you read this now, it adds this whole other layer that this is this huge thorn in her side, this huge sore point of like, oh, great. Once again, because I'm a trans woman, no one wants me. So I could see her just snapping and then coming at,

well, and because what you'll see at the conclusion of this article is she says basically, well, I was wrong to try to, to get cis women to like me in this environment.

But now as a lewd YouTuber, I have all of these cis women fans and I have finally found a community that accepts me. And what she realized is this being turned down by this community and this community rejecting her, I think was really horrifying to her because it, it it reflected to her that, no, this new community, and as I said, reading her blog is really sad 'cause there's a bunch of, now I found a place where I fit in then three posts later, I hate this group.

Now here are the new community I just found I fit in. And, and what she realize is that, you know, this is one of the things I often see with Detransition because I, I, I meet a lot of them at like, heritage Foundation events and stuff like that is one of the things that they're most surprised about.

And we have some like detransition in our, in our fan community as well and stuff like that. And they, they even like list this in our bio is it's, they think that the community's gonna like jump on them or, or have some hostility to them if they're in like a conservative community. At, at least within in our type like new right tech, right?

Conservative. And I think, you know, when I talk to 'em when they, they're like, I am surprised by how nice everyone here always is.

You

know, there, there is not. And I think that that's what they're realizing. It's, they came from a community where they were constantly searching for self validation only to realize that the, the only community that's really going to you know, validate you for who you are is going to be the tech, right?

Mm-hmm.

Unless you're like a very specific thing. And, and, and unfortunately the, the trans woman is not something that's gonna get you the validation that you want. So when I first moved to, and this is the other thing I note about like Heritage Foundation events. There are trans people there who like just started det transitioning.

Like they look like trans people. It is not that they are being treated nicely because they don't look like trans people. Mm-hmm. They look like trans people. But like if I'm at a Heritage Foundation event and I see somebody who looks trans I immediately am like, okay, but like this took a lot of bravery to come here and everyone there is going to know that.

Except for, you know, at the needle color, there was like one homophobic guy, which really annoyed me. That treated like some of the gay people poorly, but, but whatever. Like, you can't, you can't police everything. But I think that, well, you

can't control. I mean, since it was a more open event, you can't control some,

no jerk

comes to your

thing.

When I first moved to NYC 2016 to 2020, I was in a Brooklyn Trans girl community made up of writers and musicians and other creators. A twinky thin Irish blonde girl with curves in all the right places. Yeah, my first four years in Brooklyn were busy. A revolving door of sexual partners, one after another threesomes, couple swaps, sex parties, tea girls f-ing me to compare notes with other tea girls the first time.

This sounds

awful. God.

Right. This was good. And this is, these are the

happy times for her. These are

the happy times. Okay. She, she moved to New York 2016 to 2020, and she was passed around because she had just become a woman and she now was sexually promiscuous. But it was mostly tea girls. But also you're getting this understanding of when she was younger and trans, her youth allowed her to get through some of this Interesting.

And created the illusion for her that she would still get Oh, no. So she's

not only, she's not only a trans woman. She's a trans woman who has hit the wall. This is horrible.

She's a post 30 trans woman.

Oh, no. Okay. That's really rough. Yes. Dedicated. I didn't, I didn't think that. I mean, like, and I think men really don't think about the wall.

Well, so like, here's this whole thing that they were never prepared for. They, they haven't been trained for this.

Yeah, no. They, they haven't been trained for this. A lot of women have like some understanding

that

it's coming from,

they, they grew up with, you know, at least the, you know, old maid and, you know.

Yeah. I think a

lot of trans women, and That's a great point. Don't have an understanding that this well, 'cause men

grew up with the understanding. Understanding that their value is only going to appreciate as they get older. And I think that's very deep in people. Yeah. As you grow up, you're just like, okay, by default I'm, it's okay.

It's only gonna get better. Whereas women are like, well, by default people are gonna start seeing me as a cat lady or old mate or whatever. And like, I think that, you know, there's just so much stuff going on when you transition that you're not gonna remember that like, oh, by the way, I also have to deal with this different framework.

I'm gonna hit the wall. People

don't like become women until they're like 23. Yeah. So they get more like seven years of being attractive or less. That's transition. That's

Oh, then, yeah. No, no one wants you if you're a trans woman or a cis woman.

Yeah. They, it's, that is like the worst time to translate because you get like a few years of being and, and you can see that this is what she defined as a good life.

This is why I am talking about being, when I say a Cena byte. This is an individual who had another blog post talked about how she learned how to deal with pain because she was with a partner who really liked hitting her in the face. And that was like her thing. Her dom really? And she hit her so hard.

She taught her new ways to deal with pain. So like actually a soundbyte like this is, you know, yes. Yes. Mm-hmm. So, she then goes on to say also, I guess she

didn't get work done. I, I feel like most trans women that I follow, I think she just did

hormones to do the top to focus. Okay.

Because like, if you got work done, man, like no one's hitting like, you know, don't come for my weave. Don't touch my like nose job like she did.

Well, and I think that this is, it's like what type of lesbian, cis lesbian is she able to get to date her? The type who just wants to punch her in the face. Ah. This is so rough. This is so rough. No, it is, it is sad and it is rough. And that is why I am reading it because I think that people need know.

If, if, look, if, if you start with, I've just moved to Brooklyn and I'll read this again. 'cause I think this lifestyle is what she thought would be forever. Not for four years. A Twinky, Finnish blonde girl was curved in all the right places. Yeah. My first four years in New York we're busy. A revolving door of sexual partners, one after another threesomes, couple swaps, sex parties, tea girls effing me to compare notes with other tea girls for the first time.

Also, I don't want someone to like,

have sex with me to compare their experience having sex with me with other people. I can't, I can't even, I can't even think about like, you comparing sex with me with other people, like makes me so like, oh, like, right. Like how could, like why does she want this? Why does she want this?

For the first time in my life I felt hot, attractive, sexual, and not just sexually appealing, but sexually appealing to other women. So what she's saying here, why does she want it? Because she wanted the affirmation.

Yeah, I guess. 'cause she assumed people would compare her favorably.

Yeah. She wanted affirmation.

She was doing all of this for affirmation. It's very clear. And she thought that this affirmation wasn't a spigot with a very small IV bag attached to it. Yes, other trans women more specifically, but I assumed there wasn't much of a difference between cis women and trans women when it came to openly expressing clear queer attacks.

So the point she's making here is, at first when she was doing the sleeping all around, the only people who were sleeping was her, were trans women. And she just assumed that that was just coincidence. She'd eventually find the cis women who liked her. The fun had to end eventually 2020 loomed and being ogled by other trans girls had worn out.

Its welcome. I was type casted as the hot journalist tea girl, and I felt trapped in a setting where sexual availability was expected for me. Confused, oddly unsatisfied, was most of the sex I was having. So again, the sex wasn't even good, right? She was just doing it and she got validation from it. And eventually she reflected, wait, this isn't good sex.

Why am I doing this right? And I think that the truth of this, and we've talked about this before, is sex isn't actually that good. It is something that's mythologized by our society, especially the far left. But I think the healthiest way to view sex is it's just, you know, something you do to make kids.

And it's fun. Especially when you're young, you'll feel a lot of compulsion to do it. But it's never more than a compulsion, you know? I didn't, so, so then she goes I didn't know what to do. Was I ace Increasingly, I was questioning whether I was ace. And I think this is why a lot of trans girls, and I see this repeatedly end up identifying as Ace later.

It's not because they're actually ace, it's just because they tried the debauchery, they tried the Cina byte lifestyle, and then the only. Way to reclaim normality after they had done that to themselves was to adopt an ace identity. So then they say it was clear I needed to take a sexual break.

When I made the switch to we a party friends, I took it on spec that they were far less sexual, the opposite of a t for T space. A space where I was integrating was more cisgender people on purpose to become familiar with life outside of the community. The, the trans community socially mature, a curated friend circle of working professionals where everyone kept it in their pants.

We were all either in our thirties or hitting our thirties. It felt like a great landing spot for my slutty twenties. I mean, I wanted to take a break from sucking and effing, so I chose a place that seemed relatively tame, but I think I drew on an assumption based on sing and effing sucking and effing available to me at the time.

I paid closer attention. I realized I was having an asexual social experience, but others were not.

Oh no. So she thought she found her pure, her pure living, she thought. Yeah. And she got fomo left the

trans community where I was being passed around as new meat. And I thought, okay, well now I'll integrate with this community as a woman.

Oh, they don't actually see me as a woman even though they are far, far lefties.

Mm-hmm.

A not into tranny. She says, quote, I assume most trans women have read them's 2018 article on discrimination against transgender people in dating.

What I just can't get over is calling this preference discrimination, where she enters this article saying that both her and almost every other trans woman she knows prefers to date cis women to trans women.

According to the study, in the Journal of Social and Personal Relations, just a mere 12% of the 958 surveyed said they would be open to dating a transgender man or a transgender woman.

Nearly half of all queer and non-binary participants were exclusionary towards trans partners. As were 71% of lesbian women between trans men and trans women, the latter were more likely to face rejection from the dating pool. Now, basically, it's not as bad to be a trans man as it is to be a trans woman was in the dating pool and this graph that she shared, I hadn't seen it before.

It's really interesting actually. Mm-hmm. So, if you're a hetero man, you're looking at like. 2% of hetero men will consider dating a trans person. And the majority of those it's trans men, basically. They're like, yeah, I know they're saying they're a man. Wow. But I don't believe it. And then the minority is trans women.

Almost no hetero men are into trans men. Then if you look at hetero women, okay? Mm-hmm. Literally none are into trans women. You, you do not see apparently a single hetero woman in this this is somebody women. Oh. 'cause they're hetero women. But a few were into trans men, which is interesting. Wait, a few hetero women were into women who now identified as men, but more Oh, okay.

Sure. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah.

Okay. Gay men. Okay. Of a, a, like I'd say like 7% chunk of gay men are into trans men. None are into trans women. So they're men who know. But that's actually big. That's the Mr. Slave and Mr. Garrison dynamic where Mr. Garrison transitions and Mr. Slave is like, why, why would you do this to me?

I am a gay man. I am into men. Mm-hmm. And Mr. Garrison assumed when he transitioned that Mr. Slave would still be into him, but Mr. Slave was not still into him. Gay men of all groups, even more than hetero men, find trans women or men who identify as women. Gross. That really surprised me by this.

Yeah, that's, yeah.

I, I think it also, I guess, implies a heavier interest, not just in male primary sexual characteristics, but male secondary characteristics.

Yeah. And then with, with lesbian women, again, here you see the vast minority being into this. Mm-hmm. But again, you see more lesbian women being into women who believe they're men than being into men who believe they're women.

Sure, yeah. And I, I also think that like before it was super common just to be transsexual. It was fairly common just to be like a very butch woman. So this is, you know, it

makes sense. But the point I'm making here is even lesbians and gays do not by this data, at least biologically or by their arousal patterns, see trans women as women or trans.

Yeah. But it's, it's funny

that trans men like get a free pass in a bunch of scenarios. So

Yeah. Let's say we're, there were roughly 50 people at a weed party gathering from 2021 through 2024. Big. Geez. Yeah. That's a big party, right? Yeah. Very little change in the social climate was in the millennial friend group across those three years.

Hmm. Let's also estimate four party goers at all events where lesbians and five were queer based on the 2018 study while attending the We party, six people in total were open to dating a trans person. She's doing the math. Only two or three queer people were open to dating a trans person and only one or two lesbians were open to dating a trans person.

If one of those six opened to dating a trans person, one of those two to three queer people, or one of those one to two lesbians, no wonder why I was feeling left out. Look how small my dating pool was. Mm-hmm. Most of the lesbians were statistically unlikely to be interested in me. Mm-hmm. And a good chunk of queer folks would've passed on me as well.

Even if I was open to dating men, 44 people would've said no to being with a trans person. Statistically speaking, I was in a social climate where I was surrounded by cis people who looked me over and said, eh, not into tran. Mm-hmm. When faced with the real thing, they'd rather leave the dick girl fantasy to fui.

And here I point out, if you had read our Pragmatist Guide to Sexuality, we did a big study on people in futa. The reason why men are in De Futa is because, or some men are at least is these are men who want porn without any other men in it. Because historically speaking you know, a man who was okay was watching another man have sex, was a girl he was interested in, had fewer surviving offspring.

And so a lot of men prefer only female female porn, but then they still wanna see PIV sex. Mm-hmm. And that's what food of porn is. Mm-hmm. It is literally the antithesis of transport. Okay. Mm-hmm. We asked in our survey of the people who were interested in FU or porn, how many of them were interested in trans porn, and none of them were the highest correlation was trans porn was bestiality and monsters.

Which means that these are people who see they, whatever the part of their body that turns off stimuli, like, oh, I'm gonna get a distress reaction from something that's clearly non-human. This is a outputting an abnormal, it's sort

of like comfort with body modification or stuff that is unnatural.

Yeah. Yeah. And I don't think that they realize that this is the way they are being interpreted by people. Well, because I think also

they're being lied to just the way that, you know, women in their thirties and forties are being lied to about cosmetic procedures that allegedly make them young. That this, you know, this will make you look younger and this, you know, this will make you look like a woman.

And people don't realize that no, this, this makes you look like a cool, an approximation of. And a characteristic held by this audience. But it is, it is by no stretch of the imagination

making you that audience. And I think both with trans women and with the body modification crowd, a lot of them are misled about how much they're going to pass by the amount of filters that famous trans women use.

On the social media posts that they're consuming of these individuals. So these individuals, they're having, you know, post-transition euphoria, they're posting a bunch of, of modified pictures that make them look more like a woman than they would in person. A bunch of pictures. Well, with filters, that's

also so easy.

I mean, I can look more like a woman with filters, you

know, like, yeah,

they all look so

good, so good. But there is a tragedy on the other side of this, right? Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. You turn off the filter.

Co compare that. Well, no, because then they go into this and they're like, oh, Dylan Mulvaney, look, they passed.

It's like, no, Dylan Mulvaney doesn't pass. Like if you see Dylan Mulvaney in person, this is an individual, it doesn't even come close to passing. And this is like the very best of what you can hope for within the trans community.

It's, it's tough. It's very selective angles and all that. Yeah, good lighting.

Yeah.

And, and even if you do, you know, you might be able to hook up with a guy who's just interested in sleeping with someone for the night, but, well, and also like, I think,

yeah, the, the other problem though is that we, we've entered an age in which Margot Robbie is considered mid, like, it's also difficult even as a cis woman to be seen as attractive.

So like, how do you think that as, as someone with so many things running against you. One, she's over 32, she wasn't born a woman. You know, three. You know, even as a man, she's not Well,

and this is why I'm, I've, I've moved against the idea of trans maxing or transitioning if you're like an unattractive guy just to get some partners or to get some, oh, no.

Honestly, though, there are, there are some types of, of male presentation that just they can pull off women better than if you are

East Asian. If you are East Asian, none of this applies.

I, that's the problem. That's what's so screwed up, is that like there are 100% trans people out there and not just East Asian.

Like they're all also all colors of a whatever ethnic rainbow that look way better than the vast majority of women. Women, they're like sevens, eights, nines, and tens. So I, I have never

seen a white trans person fall into that category. Have you one think a black trans woman, have you ever seen a black trans woman who falls into that category?

Yes. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

Really?

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. So, compare that to an out and proud ster, someone who is pretty upfront about her interest in BDSM and prefers open relationships for that reason. So, she wants a lesbian partner who is into BDSM and open to having an open relationship, a lesbian living, a rather alternative lifestyle, you know, being a sex working sex journalist.

So she's also a sex worker, someone who speaks her mind pretty openly, not a journalist

like, you know, if Anna Valen was super wealthy, again, this, none of this would be a problem.

Someone who probably didn't f was my personality or maybe I wasn't their type physically. And yes, for the record, I did know some people who thought I was attractive within that group too.

Oh, okay. It didn't necessarily mean No, they just said it to be nice. This is what she doesn't understand. It doesn't necessarily mean they would date. It just means I bumped into one of the other five people who would be con open to going out with a trans person. Hmm. That's the problem though. Six people being open to date.

A trans person does not mean five potential partners. Hmm. You may not be into those five people, or they might not have chemistry with you. But, or the circumstances may not be right. They might be partnered, they might be uninterested in sex or dating at that time, or your sexual orientation may be incompatible.

In other words, not all of my experiences at the We party can be framed through my gender identity, but when C het leaning. Dating patterns emerge and trans women seem to receive significantly less attention than their cisgendered equivalents or cisgendered men. Yeah, it's hard to believe that's a space where trans women are truly treated as equals.

This planted the seed in me that grew over the last year and a half. Finally, one day at Ruptured, I realized the weed party friend group had an undercurrent of trans misogyny, was in it that had gone unaddressed. Oh my God, this person is just like a bomb waiting to go off within your, this is my

first time hearing about trans misogyny.

Very interesting.

I looked for it and I found it. My experience with this dating pool, our lack thereof, is one reflection of that. So people weren't interested in you, therefore they're all evil. That's your takeaway from this. No self-reflection. No. Oh, they're not interested in the way you look, or, oh, this isn't something they're into keep me on.

You didn't even have bottom surgery and you're trying to get lesbians to sleep with you. You and, and now you are going for the classic. It's therefore suck my girl d and like it like this is why people have turned against. Yeah. This

is, this is why JK Rowling is fighting the fight.

Because when we first, and I first was very protran when I bought into this, I thought it was about you wanting to be accepted.

And this community accepted you? Yeah. Unc categorically

there, there's been no accusation made in any of this content that No, yeah. Of what she's

mad about is that she cannot force lesbians to sleep with her or force them to be attracted to her. No, no, no. It's,

it's not, it's not even, it's, she's not being coercive in any of this.

She's just insulted that none of them are coming up to her.

No. Hold on. Listen to this. Okay. Okay. One day it ruptured, I realized we party friend group had an undercurrent of treads, misogyny was in it that had gone unaddressed. Okay. What does it mean to address this? What it means to address this is that people date her who aren't dating her.

Now people have sex with her who aren't having, or not even date her 'cause she only does open relationships. Addressing the trans misogyny. She's talking about means people have sex with her who don't wanna have sex with her. That's what she's talking about. She might be using colorful language to hide that.

That's what she's talking about. But that is the only way I. Because it is not that she wants more acceptance from the group. She wants lesbians in this group to have sex with her because again, she has said multiple times that is the only people who she finds attractive. Yeah,

but I don't think she wants to coerce well, okay.

There's other things that she's written that implies that she really likes non-consent, but she doesn't write anywhere in here that she, she actually seems to want people to make the first move and approach her. Right. But

this is what you're missing, Simone.

Okay.

She went to the community voluntarily.

People in the community did not want to make the first move. Yeah. They didn't. Yes. 'cause this goes unaddressed. She means she wants to be able to force them to make the forced move. Whether that is using cultural pressure or whether that is, I mean, basically she's saying, I want to set up a cultural pressure apparatus where lesbians in this community will feel uncomfortable not hitting on me or not making a move for me.

Mm-hmm. That's what she wants to happen. And we see this in many trans spaces where when a lesbian says, I'm not interested in dating trans women, they are attacked. Hmm. This is a, a, a, a form of violence that has happened multiple times at gay bars and stuff like that. Like this is a real phenomenon. So it's not like I'm pulling this like, five degrees of freedom from this.

This is what she wants.

That's rough.

So what I like here is this whole thing makes me depressed to read. Then I get to that line and I'm like, oh, you are a vile person. Like that is, that is where I'm like, I, yeah, yeah. You are. You, you deserve everything. And I don't think you started deserving everything, but we choose who we are.

You know, we choose when we victimize other populations. We choose when we victimize other groups. And you chose to not be okay with being accepted. You wanted forced sex. Or, or sex that other people didn't want, you, wanted them to feel uncomfortable not wanting to have sex with you?

Hmm.

I felt disillusioned and alienated after this conclusion.

So I decided to take stock. I looked in the mirror and asked, well, what was I getting out of weed party, if not sex? So friendship, camaraderie, everything like that. That wasn't what she wanted. She was there for sex, is basically what it was. And that's. Really sad, you know, she then write something broke was in me.

What was the point of all this? What was I doing here? Why did I keep hanging out when I wasn't really wanted? The last party I went to, I wore a dress for the first time in a very long time. I traded in slacks and jeans for something pretty, something form fitted pretty feminine. No one noticed, no one complimented me.

And to think, just be you expect that they're gonna go out and compliment you, you expect that they're gonna notice you. Right?

It has literally been maybe a year, maybe more than a year, maybe half a decade since somebody as a man complimented the way that I dressed. Now, maybe this is a sign that I just dress terribly, but I just don't think that this is something that normal people expect. And I think that this shows the self-centeredness of this individual that they expect they wear something unique on one day, they're gonna get complimented at the very most.

This is something you might expect of a dedicated partner who pays attention to the way you dress every day, but that's something that your lifestyle precludes. Given that you only. Inter open relationships.

A damn broke was in me. I wasn't being respected. that's what was going on. And well, if the world wasn't gonna treat me with respect, I wouldn't treat it with respect either.

I began adopting what I like to call neat core hobbies, sweatpants, anime, t-shirts, whatever makes me feel comfy when I go out. An expression of anti. A fashion that isn't fashionable, A statement that I appear as myself and prioritize my comfort over the preferences of anyone else. I can dress nicely again when I want to dress nicely for me.

Right now, I want to dress like I can just get out of bed. That means anime tees, baggy sweatpants, and vans. It's funny, reinventing yourself is not very glamorous. The true me is a frumpy and acrophobic, she says, stays home and plays deadlock all day and pretends to be a giant anime girl over the internet.

She plays a giantess in her whatever videos. To my utter bewilderment, this is considered very attractive to a white assortment of people playing a Giants on the internet.

Cis women, trans women, non-binary people. I sometimes feel myself laying in bed all day, er ping with multiple play partners across 24 hours. It's like catching up with a long lost time at weed party. Quite literally. I've had more assist partners in the past three years than the four before that. But here's the problem.

Oh, so she,

she gave up and

now it's working for her? No, what she did is she gave up and now she does horny online content.

Okay.

And she says, oh, well, now that I'm doing like lead tubing content mm-hmm. I have found my community because all these cis women watch me. And I'm like, how are you verifying that these are cis women?

People on the internet lie. That's like the point of you're, you know, going to the internet to receive sexual gratification. That is one of the oldest, the oldest rule of the internet is there are no women on the internet. And by this, what they mean is there in, in the cd you know, sex pe parts of the internet.

The reason why you get so few women within those communities is not just because women are into those things less. Mm-hmm. But when a woman is, they often get such an arbitrage opportunity within real life partnerships. Mm-hmm. That they have no need to explore this online. What this person is clearly engaging with is men who are pretending to be women, and they are so desperate for affirmation that they are willing to believe that this is real.

And then here is where it begins to get really creepy. In other words, my experiences was being ignored and overlooked in the dating space, reflected negative experiences I had with CIS millennials who wanted to reject me from my gender identity, but couldn't a common Siemens 2010, something I experienced recently in 2020.

This led me to believe it may be a problem generationally, was how millennials, cis women perceive trans women. On average, gen Z has treated me better than millennials. I don't just mean that Gen Z adults are more open to sex with trans women than their millennial counterparts. I mean that Gen Z cis women treat me as if I am equal to them.

While millennials are more likely to treat me like a third sex woman. A massive amount of Gen Zers view trans women as women. They have accepted transness just as another aspect. A woman may have this results in not just a lot of positive experiences with Gen Z, queer women in my sexual and dating life, but affirming experiences even when conflict happens.

It never feels like my transness is at play when there's a fight. It just feels like we're two equals figuring things out.

I love how this person just sort of tells on themselves of how miserable it is to date them. , Talking about fights in relationships as if they're normal things. It is, like, for example, it's not just that Simone and I almost never have fights like maybe one every three years, but I would even say of my past relationships, I probably only got in a fight with a partner and one out of every.

Four or five people I dated. , Fights are not a normal part of a relationship.

And by fight here, I mean any sort of emotionally heated disagreement.

I'm curious if there's a huge gap between dating preferences for millennials and dating preferences for Gen Z. Moving from a T four T space to a C four C one was an immense form of psychological whiplash.

But moving from a weeb party collection of cis and trans friends to friends sexually interested in me, that gave me whiplash and it solidified my feeling that weed party vibe is not a right fit for me. So who are Gen Z? This is an individual who's in her mid thirties. They're people between 13 and 28.

This is somebody who has admitted to \ doing a lot of age play stuff. This is somebody who has admitted to having problems with desiring underage content in the past. And basically their big realization is, well, if I groom children, then it all works out for me in the end. And I think that that's horrifying into this particular tale.

Oh, no,

I mean the power dynamics at play here.

Okay. Wow. This got dark a

little bit. Yeah. This, this is really dark. This is really sad. And I think it's important to go into, because we only hear about the euphoria. We only hear about the beginning or we hear about the people detransition and how bad it got for them.

But if there's somebody who is presumably living the best life you can as a trans person. This is what it is. This is what that best life is. And it's a sad, sad world. It's a world where you descend into a komori where you attack random v tubers because you're mad that they're more famous than you.

Where , your only source of validation comes from men pretending to be women and, and young kids.

Yeah, that's, it's a rough, it's a rough experience. It's not a pathway we would recommend for our children.

Well, and this is, this is why I think, you know, you want to get kids out of this. This is what you need to show them.

Mm.

You don't show them. Oh, somebody freaking out. Oh, somebody who's being like, aggressively mean about all this.

It's like this, this, this is the end of the rainbow.

Yeah. You're, you're gonna hit the wall. You're not gonna get the validation you're hoping to get. You're being love bombed now and then everyone's gonna forget about you. Everyone's gonna be nice and be creeped out by you.

What's the other side of sucking it up?

What's the other side of sucking it up? Okay. You get a family, you get kids. You, you, you, you can create a job where you're contributing to the world rather than attacking random people online.

Jota, I'll leave the rest to you. Well, if anything happens. Do you want to try it? Yeah. Yeah. Hey, Grandma. Hm? It's a little springy. I'm not as good as my mother. I guess I'll take a break. It's a nice dark weather. As expected of my mother. She seems to be doing well.

That's the topic. Grandma? I'm leaving it at the entrance. I'm tired of waiting. I'll never know what tomorrow brings I'll leave it at the entrance. I'll leave it at the entrance. I've practiced a lot with the Tsumuske brothers. I'll leave it at the entrance. I'm sure it'll be different. They're coming, Akemi.

Grandma If only one wish could come true If it's a wish, it's already come true. Grandma, what are we going to do tomorrow?

Oh, if you sleep in a place like that, you'll catch a cold. Hey! Mother! What's wrong, old man? Is

Like the other side of this is so great. That's the thing. It's not like, oh, you suck it up for a few years and you get something that's kind of good or you get something that how the other side of this is amazing.

And, and we, we are fighting not against people like Anna Valence. We are fighting for people like Anna Valence before this ideology got its hooks and hurt.

you were an interesting study. Must, greed, deception, fertile ground, but rather mundane.

Hmm. Yeah. We want the person that became who valence is today to have experienced the alternate fun muscle life. So in,

you know, in, in, in, in 10 years, that person could be walking home to their home and wife and have, you know, 10 kids jump on them and, and three, or maybe they

don't want 10 kids, but like, I don't know.

I feel like if, if she wanted, you know, a single childless life that was just focused on having fun, that there were much better ways to do that. I think the problem though is if you're incredibly hungry for validation, this is an easy trap. But what do you do if, if what you really want is validation?

What is the the best path for a man, a natal male?

I, I, I from making

lots of money,

I think being hungry for validation is in itself a sin.

Mm. You know,

if, if you can build, what

if that's your objective function? What if that's No, no, no, no, no.

Build a better objective function. It's a bad objective function.

It it's an objective function. That's not different for negative utilitarianism or something like you. What you need to do is think through what really matters in life, because the amount that other people validate you is obviously not a thing of intrinsic value. So you're just gonna say, validate

is a false God, don't do it.

Yeah. If you live your entire life dedicated to that, you become a ena byte. That is what makes Centa bytes is living a life dedicated to self validation.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. It could also be one of those Chinese finger trap things. You'll never get it when you're trying to get it. You'll get it if you do a great job at other things.

Yeah. And you, you can't, can't seek it out. If you're seeking it out, you're never gonna get it. So you might as well just not try. Yeah. And just do something else that's meaningful. But I, I appreciate the cautionary tale. This is an episode we can save for our kids just in case they're getting a little, a little curious.

'cause all, all the out outside French stuff is super fun. Drag shows are super fun. Like in general, like drag shows

are, again what I'm saying you should do if you have these desires. Do, do drag shows occasionally, right. You know, the, one of the points I'm making is, is, is drag ironically was not that emotionally unhealthy, you know?

Yeah, totally.

It's dress creative's. Very fun.

It's very talent driven.

And then have the family and, and, and focus on that, you know, as, as historically the vast majority of people who did drag were, were cis men,

yeah. Yeah.

Which is fine. Like, I don't, I don't care.

Well, and as we pointed out, was this individual, I mean, we know why this individual is trans because she writes about it all the time.

She has a feminization kink. She gets turned on by the idea of a man being turned into a woman. There were plenty of ways to engage with that without. Transitioning. And I think that that's the other sad thing as they've expanded the tent for what? Qualifies for transition. Yeah. They have begun offering transition as a solution to people who this is not gonna help if, if you're transitioning because of a sexual kink, that's, that's not gonna lead you to having a good life.

Yeah. Yeah.

All right. Love you. Did ES Simone. I've already ate a pretty big lunch, so I don't really mind. Whatever you wanna do for dinner for my dad.

Where did you get lunch? Would you go? We went to a new

restaurant, lock 20. It's the restaurant right before the bridge going into Phoenixville. Oh.

And it had, I thought it would have like a pretty, like the burger was good, but it was like way too expensive. I go to the water,

make burgers tonight. What should I do? Well, you can ask my dad what he wants. I know, but I, it's not like I just have a fully stocked pantry of any ingredient you can imagine.

Okay.

Let me word this differently. Mm-hmm. You can ask him, does he want a burger or pasta with pesto because you made some pesto sauce a while ago, and that's really easy to make.

Peso pesto. Yeah. Or more pasta with, with meat sauce or meatballs or, okay. I will ask him. We shall get answers. I love you very much.

I love you too very much. All right. Go down, get my dad. And thank you for doing this episode. Interesting episode. Right. I found this to be really fascinating.

No, this, this was good. I've never really done a deep dive on.

Such an unfiltered tale of the other side of transition. Mm-hmm. I mean, you see a lot of trans influencers showing the highlights, reels of their lives, and also presenting highly curated social commentary and they look fantastic and you're like, this is wow. Like they're thriving. And this is, I, I think, you know, to a fault, valence has been extremely open about everything she is thinking and doing, but it's been very helpful because you're seeing, again, the very unfiltered I.

Element of, yeah. And it's

also interesting to me because, you know, we're about the same age and everything like that. Like, we're not like that dissimilar in our starting point in valence in us. Right. You know? And that you know, we made different positions and I think it, nobody, I don't, I don't think any, even the, the biggest set of byte is gonna look at the differences between our two lives and say that her life is in any way desirable when contrasted with our life.

I, I don't care who you are, anyone's gonna be like, wow, Malcolm and Simone have a really good life. No. You know. No,

no, no, no. I know from the hate comments that we get, that I read that people think we live very miserable lives and that we are in a loveless marriage and all these things. No hate

hope we live miserable lives because they hate that.

It's obvious that's not true.

I don't know. I think that a lot of people have normalized to people really faking it online. And they don't realize that we're like, this is just, this is just us. Just doing our thing. There's not like a hidden behind the scenes experience, but whatever. Yeah. But I, I do appreciate you covering this.

It was like, what, what more could possibly be covered by, you know, your, your post and a valence analysis. But this was, yeah. Sad but interesting. So thank you Malcolm,

and I love it. All right. Love you to eson

okay, there it goes. I really miss talking with you. This is so nice. I needed this so bad.

Well, I love you to death. You've done a great job today. You've been on top of everything, and I'm really proud of you.

I feel like I'm failing at everything, but I think that's also a very female thing. So, so you're

yesterday found out the kid is still healthy.

Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. That's the

biggest thing that you're doing right now, is bringing another human into this world. The, the school system is doing well. We've provided very good recent feedback on it. The whistling app is better than ever. For people who don't know about this project, it's to create a chat bot that can talk with our kids and constantly brings the conversation back to educational topics.

We wanna check it out. Check out whistling.ai that's spelled with a z It's a great product. It, it's free for now. We don't even have a system for charging you to use it, so, you know, feel free to us over. Yeah, you

can. I mean, not that we're gonna charge you out, we're gonna charge as we possibly can, but I am so excited about it.

I'm so excited about it.

Yeah. Alright. But we are, and, and the game system's doing really well. We're about to get to the first like stable demo. We had a, a practice demo up for a while. You can check this RFAB.ai if you wanna get on my wishlist for this or something. We're trying to create virtual worlds using ai,

It's weird how many things we're doing. It's like, oh, well just do everything. I said, you have way too much main character energy. You're just like, well, if no one else is doing it, I guess I'll fix it. I'll make it, I'll, I'll do the daily podcast. That's a, that's an insane thing to do, by the way, people Yeah.

You just kept going. I love it.

Yeah. I, I don't, I don't know how you do it, Malcolm. I have deep respect and admiration for you. I love you a lot.

I like getting nice. You're really nice, Octavian. You're a great big brother. You're doing great Big brother things.