444. Mattering with Jennifer Wallace
Psychologists Off the Clock
Parental Attunement and Lasting Anchors
Jennifer recounts her father's attunement and how consistent valuing shaped her resilience and capacity to matter to others.
In a world that’s more connected than ever yet feels increasingly lonely, award-winning journalist Jennifer B. Wallace explores why the simple human need to matter may be the most powerful force shaping our well-being.
Joining Yael to discuss her new book, Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose, Jennifer underscores the crucial role of mattering in fostering resilience and well-being, emphasizing its importance in both personal and professional contexts. You’ll gain practical ways to cultivate a sense of mattering, learn about the importance of attunement in relationships, and understand the significance of social contexts in mental health.
She also reflects on the impact of technology on our social connections and the valuable lessons learned from her research on creating ecosystems that support mattering.
Listen and Learn:
- The discovery that shifted Jennifer’s entire research focus and why the real key to kids’ resilience may actually lie in how adults experience purpose, value, and “mattering” in their own lives
- Why “mattering” goes beyond belonging or purpose and how feeling both valued and impactful may be the hidden factor that determines whether people truly engage or quietly burn out
- How a simple moment of everyday rudeness can quietly undermine our sense of mattering, and why understanding that reaction can completely change how you interpret (and respond to) those interactions
- How a lesson learned from Jennifer’s father about making people feel like they matter shaped their entire life
- Why feeling like you “matter” isn’t something you can fix alone, and how small, often uncomfortable moments of connection, dependence, and even friction are actually where real healing and meaning are built
- Why do some people never seem to feel that they matter, even when the evidence is right in front of them, and what actually helps (and doesn’t) when you’re trying to show someone they do?
- How attunement can transform everyday interactions and make people feel deeply seen, valued, and connected
Resources:
- Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose by Jennifer B. Wallace: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593850596
- Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic-and What We Can Do About It by Jennifer B. Wallace: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593191866
- Jennifer’s Website: https://www.jenniferbwallace.com/
- Connect with Jennifer on Social Media:
- https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-b-wallace/
- https://www.instagram.com/jenniferbrehenywallace
- Yael’s newsletter on “phubbing” with Jaqueline Nesi: https://relationalriffs.substack.com/p/are-you-phubbing-your-partner
- Empathy Diaries by Sherry Turkle: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780525560111
- Power of Discord by Ed Tronick and Claudia Goldstein: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-power-of-discord-why-the-ups-and-downs-of-relationships-are-the-secret-to-building-intimacy-resilience-and-trust-claudia-m-gold-md/f91287b2b45f7311?ean=9780316488877&next=t
About Jennifer B Wallace
Jennifer Breheny Wallace is an award-winning journalist and author of the New York Times bestselling book Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic—And What We Can Do About It, which was named an Amazon Best Book of the Year, and for which she joined us on POTC episode 324. She's also the founder of The Mattering Institute, whose mission is to create cultures of mattering in workplaces and communities, and co-founder of The Mattering Movement, a nonprofit dedicated to creating cultures of mattering in schools. Jennifer started her journalism career at CBS's 60 Minutes. She's contributed to The Wall Street Journal and The Washington Post, and she's here today to talk about her forthcoming book Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose.
Related Episodes:
- 168. Everyday Conversations: How Conversational Style Impacts Relationships with Deborah Tannen
- 179. How to be an Adult in Relationships with Dave Richo
- 263. Relationships with Emotionally Immature People with Lindsay Gibson
- 324. Toxic Achievement Culture with Jennifer Wallace
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