The Importance of Personal Policies and Rules

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Vanessa Williams: I can see how these would help reinforce the ability or make it easier actually to say no. So, for example, in working with my children, I have a rule. You don't drive the car after a certain time of day even if you ask. She says personal policies are different from boundaries. "I think that this very powerful to reframe what we care about and what we want," she says.

Saying no can seem risky. We worry about offending others, damaging relationships, or hurting our own reputation. But as Vanessa Patrick says, no is an empowering word that gives us greater agency in our lives.

Saying no “is not a rejection of the other person,” says Patrick, a professor of Marketing at the University of Houston. Instead, it allows you to set boundaries and “[give] voice to what you believe and what you care about.” In her book, The Power of Saying No, Patrick introduces what she calls “empowered refusal,” a way of saying no that’s rooted in one’s identity, values, priorities, and preferences. “An empowered no,” she says, “is about us, not a rejection of the other person.”

In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Patrick and host Matt Abrahams explore how to use the power of no, how to move from strategy forming to strategy implementation, and how to resist momentary pleasures that distract us from our larger goals.

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