In this episode, we sat down with Adam Lane Smith to discuss attachment theory. Adam shares how to identify your attachment style, how to foster a secure attachment with your own children, and how to apply those learnings to all of your relationships.

Takeaways

Attachment theory focuses on the formation of healthy, loving, and collaborative relationships.
There are three main attachment styles: secure, avoidant, and anxious.
Attachment issues can be formed in childhood due to various factors, such as lack of bonding with parents or traumatic experiences.
Birth experiences may impact attachment formation, but it is possible to improve attachment styles through explicit love and nurturing.
Bonding hormones, such as oxytocin, GABA, vasopressin, and serotonin, play a crucial role in attachment and can be influenced by positive experiences.
Collaboration and asking questions are essential tools for parents to create secure attachment with their children.
Divorce can have a significant impact on attachment styles, and it is crucial to provide context and foster oxytocin bonding with adopted children.
Couples with different attachment styles can improve their relationship by being explicit about their needs, fostering collaboration, and building a marriage agreement.
The breakdown of the family structure over the past century has led to challenges in attachment and relationship dynamics.
Providing a safe and nurturing environment is key to developing secure attachment in both parent-child and couple relationships. Solving problems together in a relationship opens up oxytocin receptors and fosters intimacy and connection.
Avoidant attachment style is characterized by a wall up, lack of trust, and an emphasis on survival. Anxious attachment style is characterized by a fear of abandonment and a focus on pleasing others.
Enmeshment is a form of insecure attachment where boundaries are poor and caretaking becomes the responsibility of the child.
Secure attachment involves open and explicit communication, clear boundaries, and a focus on generosity and adjusting for reality.
Attachment styles can vary in different relationships and situations, but fostering secure attachment at home is crucial for healthy relationships outside the home.
Nature and genetics may play a role in attachment, but it is the parent's job to nurture and guide their child towards secure attachment.
Building a self-correcting family system where open communication and resolution of issues is encouraged is more important than striving for perfection as a parent.

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