The third thing you can do to be a non-anxious presence is to understand how pauses work. Murphy cites research from a decade ago that shows that the length of a pause actually has a different response. If you pause for four seconds or more, then the other person is likely to start to feel their emotions. And this can include fear and anxiety. On the other hand, if you want to offer comfort and relief, make sure your pauses are two seconds or less.