How to Use Emotions as Data | Dr. Marc Brackett
The Art of Charm
What Emotion Regulation Is and Permission to Feel
Defines emotion regulation (thoughts and actions), promotes radical acceptance of feelings, and distinguishes anxiety (uncertainty), stress (demands vs resources), and fear (immediate danger).
What if your emotions weren’t problems to fix, but signals to guide you? Dr. Marc Brackett, founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and author of Permission to Feel and Dealing with Feeling, joins AJ and Johnny to break down why most of us were never taught real emotional regulation—and how to finally build it.
Marc shares the RULER framework (Recognize, Understand, Label, Express, Regulate) and explains why emotional regulation is less about suppression and more about awareness, vocabulary, and strategy. From the “emotional budget” that gets depleted by sleep loss and stress, to the critical difference between anxiety, stress, and fear, this conversation reframes emotions as tools for better decision-making, relationships, and performance. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, mislabeled your emotions, or struggled to manage reactions in parenting, work, or conflict, this episode gives you practical science-backed steps to regulate instead of ruminate.
What to Listen For
[00:00:00] Why we’re programmed early to self-sabotage and mismanage emotions
[00:01:09] Why most of us were never taught emotional regulation—and why it matters
[00:03:33] How emotions secretly drive decision-making, relationships, and health
[00:04:59] The concept of an “emotional regulation budget” and why sleep, food, and stress deplete it
[00:06:57] Why scheduling wellbeing time is as important as scheduling work
[00:11:15] Why 80% of students dropped out of Marc’s mindfulness study—and what it reveals about achievement culture
[00:16:24] Why there’s no such thing as a “bad” emotion and how reframing anxiety changes everything
[00:23:15] The real difference between anxiety, stress, and fear—and why labeling matters
[00:27:16] Parenting and co-regulation: how to model emotional regulation for kids
[00:31:03] How childhood programming and self-talk sabotage our ability to cope
[00:39:37] Building emotional vocabulary: inside the How We Feel app with 500+ emotion words
[00:46:17] What to do when you’re “flooded” and overwhelmed in conflict
[00:48:55] The RULER framework explained: recognize, understand, label, express, regulate
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