Overdiagnosing partners and anxiety as defense

EPISODE SUMMARY

In this episode, Emily sits down with Todd Baratz—sex therapist and author of How to Love Someone Without Losing Your Mind—to challenge everything you think you know about relationships. Todd dismantles the fairy tale myth of "the one" and reveals why our obsession with diagnosing every difficult person as a narcissist is keeping us stuck. From exploring how oral sex can make or break your relationship to understanding why some people view emotional depth as "too much," this conversation reframes love as messy, complicated, and beautifully imperfect. T

In this episode, you'll learn:

• Your relationship "shoulds" are sabotaging you—every rule you've internalized about what partners should text, do, or provide creates unnecessary conflict and anxiety; letting go of these expectations (especially "the one" who fulfills all your needs) is the first step to realistic, sustainable love

• Not everyone is a narcissist—our tendency to diagnose and label ourselves and others amplifies anxiety rather than solving problems; sometimes people are just incompatible, not disordered, and that's okay

• You're not "too much," you just need the right match—if someone views your emotional depth and authenticity as intensity, it's because they lack the capacity to handle genuine connection; finding someone who can meet you where you need to be met is about compatibility, not fixing yourself

• Sex is really about connection—when you're craving sex, you're often actually craving intimacy, vulnerability, touch, and being truly seen; understanding this deeper need helps address desire discrepancies and creates more fulfilling sexual experiences

• Dating people who can't connect emotionally—approach them with compassion and curiosity, try to create space for vulnerability, but if they can't or won't open up, accept that they might not be your person and walk away without trying to force everyone to do the work you're doing

More Dr. Emily: 

• Shop With Emily! Explore Emily’s favorite toys, pleasure accessories, bedroom essentials, and more — designed to support your pleasure and confidence. Free shipping on orders $99+ (some exclusions apply).

• Join the SmartSX Membership: Access exclusive sex coaching, live expert sessions, community building, and tools to enhance your pleasure and relationships with Dr. Emily Morse.

• Sex With Emily Guides: Explore pleasure, deepen connections, and enhance intimacy using these Sex With Emily downloadable guides.

• The only sex book you’ll ever need: Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure

• Want more? Visit the Sex With Emily Website

• Let’s get social: Instagram | X | Facebook | TikTok | Threads | YouTube

• Let’s text: Sign up here

• Want me to slide into your email inbox? Sign Up Here for sex tips on the regular.

This episode is sponsored by… 

Bellesa EVERYONE who signs up wins a FREE toy or gift card! https://www.bboutique.co/vibe/emilymorse-podcast"

Timestamps:

0:00 - Introduction

2:03 - Letting Go of "The One" & Outdated Relationship Rules

5:22 - How We "Should" All Over Our Relationships

7:26 - Understanding Your Intergenerational Trauma Story

10:23 - Growth Happens in Relationships, Not Just Self-Love

13:12 - Why We Keep Dating the Same Type of Person

17:16 - How to Connect With Men Who Struggle to Connect

22:38 - Listener Questions: Situationships & Communication

5:01 - Oral Sex Should Be Reciprocated (Period)

29:04 - The Truth About Mismatched Desire in Long-Term Relationships

32:46 - Five Quickie Questions with Todd Barrets

34:04 - Turnons: Emily & Erica Discuss Childhood Patterns

47:02 - The Connection Between Mental Health and Sex