The Dark Side of Connection

Corrina Gordon-Barnes joins us to share how to better relationships and take control and stay in your zone of power. She explains how to make a good decision by questioning your thoughts and assumptions.

Highlights

[04:42] Corrina’s Coaching Journey

• For 16 years, Corrina has been coaching and helping people find what they wanted to do.
• Our amygdala doesn’t just function as a threat detection system; it also seeks connection and belonging.
• Because we want to fit in, we sometimes do things we don’t want to do or stay in toxic relationships.

[09:07] How to Better Relationships

• First, be compassionate with anybody caught in the dilemma of choosing between staying or leaving.
• Corrina also discourages asking others about their opinion. 
• Instead of listing pros and cons, list down all your judgments or complaints about the thing you're thinking of leaving. Then, make another list of all of your fears about leaving.

[18:53] Staying in Your Zone of Power 

• Rather than denying reality, it's more empowering to accept it as it is and to focus on what you can control. 
• What's in your zone of power often takes vulnerability and courage.

[24:00] Questioning Thoughts

• First, have compassion for your predicament. Then list your reasons, complaints and fears about the situation.
• With more varying evidence, you would understand your problem from a more multidimensional perspective and learn how to better relationships. 

[29:22] About Acceptance and Why People Stay

• People tend to remain in their jobs or romantic relationships when they've learned to accept and stay in their zone of power.
• The things that are ours to do require courage, and the things that are other people's involve acceptance.

[44:30] Making Choices in our Zone of Power

• When you stay firm in your zone of power, you stay authentic and truthful to yourself.
• Think of a courageous conversation or action that you can do to reframe the problem at hand.

[51:32] Top 3 Tips for Deciding Whether to Stay or Leave

• First, be compassionate with yourself that you’re in that difficult position.
• Second, list your complaints and fears, then recognise that they're thoughts that aren't unquestionable.
• Lastly, verify your thoughts, and identify the things you can do that are within your zone of power. These include acceptance and having the courage to make changes. 

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Podcast Links

• Check out the Permission to Thrive CPD membership for doctors!
• E32: How to take control of your thoughts with Corrina Gordon-Barnes
• The Work of Byron Katie
• Stay within your zone of power with Zone of Power handout.

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