And if I tell you how much I appreciate you, but in fact, I'm appreciating you for the things that you don't think are the most important things about yourself, some of my feedback will now start to sound inauthentic to you.

And in fact, we have done research where we did exactly that. And a very interesting thing happens. People smile, they say they're happy to get the feedback and then they want to get out of there as fast as possible in case the other person finds out how false the impression was. So it feels inauthentic and very unrewarding. It'll suppose you got a nice big raise at work from your boss, and they said they're giving you the raise because of something that isn't true about you. You know, think about how uncomfortable that would feel.

Yeah, it makes you feel like an imposter almost. Exactly.

The moment I heard about Harry's work, I started

to see its applications everywhere. Think about the perennial conflict between parents and children. So much of it can be traced to the feeling many kids have that their parents just don't get them. Take the opening scene of the movie, Lady Bird. A teenager and her mom are driving back from a college tour, and they start to squabble.

I wish I could live through something.

Aren't you? Nope.

The only exciting thing about 2002 is that it's a palindrome. Okay, fine. Well yours is the worst life of all, so you win. Oh, so now you're mad. No, it's just you're being ridiculous because you have a great life. I'm sorry, I'm not perfect. No

one's asking you

to be perfect. Just consider it. I don't even want to go to school in this state anyway. I hate California.